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Interracial: Love who you want
2009.10.07 22:54 outofmirInterracial: Love who you want
2012.03.25 09:15 TriciaBblazinAsian Men + Black Women Discussion & Support
/AMBW is a community promoting discussion, support and sharing regarding dating and relationships between Asian Men and Black Women. If you're a Black woman, Asian man, Blasian, or if you just support the community, please join and contribute!
2020.09.26 17:07 StonetoothHarker[M4F] Date with a Hucow
We met each other on the internet. More precisely on a forum for people who are interested in Hucows, or human cows, for those not familiar with the term. Who is a hucow, then? Well, a woman who wants to embrace and further enhance her femininity, both physically and mentally, in order to fulfill the biological purpose of her existence, and that is procreation. How each individual hucow embraces her purpose may vary greatly. Some become sluts just for the purpose of getting knocked up a couple of times to satiate their genetically-imprinted, and deeply burning desire, some indulge in such a degree of submissiveness all they care about it is if they are being cared for, and not concerned by who does the caring, and some prefer to find the ideal mate and create a cozy and pleasant background before fully embracing their biological purpose and spending the next decade or two getting knocked up over and over, all while lovingly caring for her expanding family. Despite each hucow being different, both in the terms of personality or body shape, there is, however, a common occurrence amongst all Hucows, and that is an effort to get as close as possible to the idol of a 'fertility goddess'. That means kind, loving, providing, and docile personality, and also matching, or outright surpassing the curvy, and voluptuous figure of the goddess of legend. That is long hair, cute face, a large bosom that sloshes with sweet creamy milk, soft sizeable bottom that feels like two cushions, wide childbearing hips, strong and thick thighs, graceful moves, and finally a heavy and round baby bump, size of which suggest the little ones are coming any day now. That is the legendary description of the fertility goddess every hucow knows. With one such a lady I'm having a date tonight, in the city park, by the fountain. I wonder if she's coming on time... It's almost 8 in the evening already... Kinks: Romance, creampies, pregnancy, lactation, ANR, curvy/motherly body, large assets, cuddling, casual sex, romance, impregnation, breast/butt/belly expansion, mild weight gain, lots of cum, blowjob, deepthroat, messy sex, outdoor sex, pregnant sex, kinky sex, bondage, spanking, age difference, interracial (white M), domination, BBW, surreal sizes and more... Limits: Anal, toilet stuff, rape, abuse, cuckold. I'm European, so bear with me the timezone shenanigans. Hope to hear from you soon! :)
2020.09.24 08:27 chainsofhopeUnpopular Opinion on Racial Dating Preferences?
I think that racial dating preferences root mostly due to familiarity and what you're exposed to as you grow up. For example if you grow up in areas or are surrounded predominantly by a certain race you will tend to find that race more attractive. This is kind of why I think even minorities go chasing after (no offense) but mediocre looking white guys because white people make up the majority of the US population and when you're surrounded by white people and all you see are white people in media, etc that becomes what you're more attracted to. I don't think that racial dating preferences are inherently racist, but more of a byproduct of what you've been exposed to as you've developed. This doesn't mean you can't find members of another race attractive you just have a better measurement of understanding beauty within the racial groups that you surround yourself with. Hence the variety of beauty standards around the world that better match features within certain ethnic groups. Like I think we can all agree that it would be really ignorant to say that even if you're generally not attracted to Asian guys that there is not a single Asian guy in existence that you find attractive. I also find it weird how no one says it would be racist, for example a black guy, to exclusively date black guys but it's not okay for a white person to do the same thing (it's racist, "he's consumed by eurocentric beauty standards", etc). There can also be cultural differences that interracial couples may face that a person may not want to deal with. A person may want to date someone who has a similar culture and cultural values (race doesn't completely determine a person's culture but the two tend to be connected). At the end of the day it's someone's choice as to who they want to date and they can choose to make criteria as to who they want to date. Also I think that people take racial dating preferences as a super big deal (this is coming from a black guy) like if you don't like black guys like why would I want to date you? Like are you going to be the love of my life? No. I just think its really exhausting to worry so much about whether someone is attracted to me based on my skin color so just live your best life be authentic and you can find someone (if they are a member of a different race) that doesn't care about your race and loves you because you're awesome, talented and sexy asf. Yeah just to sum this all up I think racial preferences are byproducts of our own experiences and what we surround ourselves with and someone shouldn't be labeled as "racist" for preferring not to date a member of another race. Racial preferences are fine (I think there are reasons as to why someone would have one) but I also think it's silly as well to limit your potential soulmate based on their race. Thoughts? Feel free to critique me in the comments.
2020.09.23 16:14 throwaway437282I can’t decide between a love marriage or “arranged” marriage for fear of divorce and preserving extended family?
Hi guys, On one hand I want to be my own person, live my life, become emotionally healthy and mature and find someone else also emotionally healthy and mature and have a good relationship Then if there are no red flags and if my significant other takes marriage, family and children seriously, then I will tie the knot and marry her? However, as a lot of you know, marriage in the western world is already challenged, the divorce industry is not looking good for men. And it looks scary to get married as women seem to have all the advantages in the courts, while men don’t? Being a black male myself, it is already challenging if I decide to marry interracially or let alone a black woman from a different country or culture. Because it is tempting for me to marry a woman from my ethnicity and tribe, because it would be an arranged marriage And the woman would not have been “westernized” or grown up in the west, but would be from my black parent’s country of origin? As I am already technically biracial (half brown and half black) And I do face a lot of pressure to marry from my black parent’s tribe. I have already posted on Reddit about this pressure and received good advice. However I am still scared that marriage is all about raising a family and children, am I not being selfish in not considering in which community my children will be raised and be a part of? As even though I might be attracted to women of other ethnicities and races, now I feel that I have to marry a woman from my black parent’s tribe because they would fit so much more easily in my extended family’s culture and divorce being taboo? But I just find it hard to reconcile this with choosing a partner based on their personality and emotional/psychological health? Rather than family and ethnic ties? So I feel that I have two options, either I do the work of becoming emotionally mature and healthy myself, meet my own needs and live my life. Or I succumb to the fear of a high divorce rate and marry within my family’s tribe because divorce is so taboo? Overall I feel that my black parent wants to control my life and keep me close to the communtiy, and I feel like I’m not allowed to live my own life because of this whole marriage issue? What are your guy’s opinions? Am I just making it harder for myself by marrying out of my black parent’s community? Or is a healthy relationship based on emotional maturity and emotional needs the best way forward? TL/DR: I feel that either I become emotional healthy and mature and find someone for a good serious relationship and build a family. Or I opt for an arranged marriage because divorce is very taboo in my black parent’s family? And if I put for the arranged marriage, the tribal lineage is “preserved” in my black family’s eyes? Me being black already makes me feel that I should on out raise a family with a black woman and then with a black woman from my parent’s tribe if marriage is all about raising children and a family? Doesn’t that then mean I have to choose who I date based on their race and culture?
2020.09.23 02:55 Gallaballatime1Women who support Somaliland: how do you feel about its citizenship law?
I have been meaning to ask Somali women how they feel about various laws in Somalia, and engage them on Constitutional matters, but I am not able to post. Hopefully I can still comment. Here's one such post: Women who support Somaliland: how do you feel about its citizenship law? According to Somaliland Constitution, citizenship is only transmitted through the father, and only if he has resided in Somaliland on June 26th 1960, or his father did, or his father's father, and so on.. Women could never transmit Somaliland Citizenship to their children (birthed or adopted) or to their spouses. http://www.somalilandlaw.com/Xeerka_Jinsiyadda.htm What is your take?
u/mahmud_ asked us, but couldn't post because for some reason he's banned from doing that. My take. From my understanding this is the consensus everywhere in Somalia. And that is because one cannot be Somali if they don't have a Somali father. I'm personally a bit conservative when it comes to interracial dating/marriage and I do believe that you citizenship should be based on Jus sanguinis which is probably controversial. I'd also like to see a law that requires both parents to be ethnic Somali to be able to transmit citizenship, regardless if they were born in the west. We have a significant diaspora and it's not possible to exclude them from the right to return to their homeland because they weren't born in Somalia. That law is so archaic and fundamentally wrong. We have a huge diaspora and it would be dreadful if second gen diasporas children could not receive a citizenship due to those archic laws.
2020.09.23 02:21 needmoreclampsI made a choice today, and it brought back a memory I hadn't thought of in a long time
I have never wanted kids as long as I can remember. I don't mind being around them or anything like that, I've just never wished to have any of my own for various reasons. I pushed off doing anything about it out of the fear of meeting that wonderful person who would change my opinion, but I have come to realize that my mind won't change and I will be happier trying to create something wonderful with someone who also doesn't want children. At a previous job, I had the opportunity to work alongside the wife of a religious official. I won't say exactly what this official's title was in an effort to protect the guilty, but I will say that they presided over a fairly mainstream faith. My coworker made her political views very clear, very early on. Again, without naming the faith, or branch of the faith, I found the vast majority of her opinions to be completely opposite the teachings of the person this faith centers around, as well as completely opposite of my beliefs. As infuriating as it was to listen to her bigoted views day after day, the one thing that really stuck with me was a conversation we had one day when I came back from having lunch with the woman I was dating at the time. She started asking fairly normal things that weren't any of her business like how long we had been together and if we were thinking of marriage. Then she asked how many children we hoped to have, and I told her none. She proceeded to tell me that I should consider it my duty as a white male to have as many children as possible so that the race could be preserved, and then went into a long ramble about her views on interracial dating. I scheduled a vasectomy today. None of my reasons for choosing to do that included spite towards this woman, but I must admit that I had a very good long smile thinking about how my choice will go against her beliefs.
2020.09.23 01:56 ChonkyBeagleMy son is a hateful incel, and I just cannot save him or defend him anymore.
My boy, my oldest child, was so good when he was little, but something broke inside of him when he was a teenager. My wife and I always accepted, loved, and encouraged him. We pushed him to work hard and treat people with respect. I don’t know where exactly we failed him but as a father I feel responsible for the thing he’s turned into. It started when he was 14. He had began to become withdrawn and emotional. We chalked it up to teenaged mood swings. For some reason he was just so angsty and bitter all the time. We were worried about his lack of social life and his over-reliance on his computer. He kind of hid himself in the online world so my wife and I began to limit his computer time, but he simply became more aggressive and confrontational. His hygiene was bad, and he was always confrontational when we told him to shower or do laundry. His room stank horribly and we eventually had a huge fight over it where he physically shoved my wife and called her a bitch, and eventually we got him to at least clean and air out his room regularly on the grounds that it was our house and if he couldn’t maintain his space he wouldn’t be entitled to it - essentially we got to the point where we told him he wouldn’t be allowed his worldly possessions or privacy unless he took care of the space we all shared. the room still smelled and he was still rude about cleaning it but we could tell him to get it clean and he would do it after that. We ended up getting a call from his school saying that a female student felt harassed by him. We were shown messages where he continually badgered her to have sex with him, threatened to “punish” her for stringing him along, sending her unsolicited nudes, telling her some violent fantasies of his, and eventually just descending into some horrid rage-filled rant about how she is just another “whore” and other things. We were shocked. We explained to him why this behaviour was unacceptable, and I explained to him that it was ok to be sexually active but his actions were toxic and abusive. I tried mentoring him man-to-man, taking him on camping trips and whatnot and talking to him about women and girls and trying to give him advice. I suggested he try showering, changing up his hair and facial hair styles, trying out different fashion styles, maybe going to the gym. I told him some hard truths - that he doesn’t want a gross woman so he shouldn’t be a gross man. By gross I mean hygiene and looks. I explained to him that good looks are more hygiene and self care than genetics but he refused to accept what I said to him. After that I caught him sniffing his sister’s panties in the laundry room - she was 12 at the time and he was 17. He assured me it had nothing to do with his sister, he said he just had a panty sniffing fetish and he pretended they belonged to girls from porno videos, but still I gave him hell for it, and he was grounded and lost his computer for 6 months. I went through his computer and I was disgusted by the kinds of hateful, racist, incel forums he frequented, the horrid things he said about women, and his save file was full of cartoon porn with girls of questionable ages. I wiped the hard drive completely and began strictly monitoring his online activity. I used parental filters to block incel sites and and porn sites that hosted cartoon porn. The next big issue was something he did to my daughter’s friend. My daughter is 5 years his junior, and one day after a sleepover, my daughter came to me and said her friend wanted to tell me something but was afraid of what I would say. My son cornered this 13 year old girl and physically blocked her path and touched her hair and face while making very inappropriate comments about her body and asking her if she liked to sleep naked and what kind of underwear she wore. I tore into my son for that, my wife and I both shouted at him, and told him his behaviour was horrible and I told him then that if his actions got him arrested I would not defend him. He accused us of not loving him, but I told him the reason I was so passionately angry in that situation is because I do love him, and I want to help him become a good man so he can stop being so predatory and bitter and miserable. I told him some hard truths. That he did this all to himself and that he is the only one he can blame for how bitter he is. I suggested he look to women his own age and he went on a rant about how it was a waste of time because women were already whores (and his definition of a whore is a woman who has had sex even just once) by 17. I called him out on his bullshit and expressed clearly that if he harassed young girls anymore I would personally turn him in. I invited my daughters friend over after and I personally apologized to her for her experiences, I cried in shame for my son’s behaviour and begged her forgiveness for allowing her to feel unsafe in my home and promised her that if she ever felt uncomfortable she could come to my wife and I and we would always believe and help her. Luckily, my daughter didn’t lose this friend, but for safety I installed a lock on my daughter’s door. We got my son therapy but he refused to engage with the therapist, calling him a “sand nigger” and “pajeet” and “terrorist”. His next therapist was a “chad”, so he didn’t relate to that either. We fought about him not trying, not getting a job, and he said he couldn’t get one because of the immigrants, to which I pointed out that he was struggling because he got fired from his high school jobs for being lazy. After those fights, my wife tried to empathize with him and understand what made him so bitter but he flipped out at her, and called her a cock-gargling whore and said that she fucked her way through dozens of men until she found a “beta-fag” who was willing to shelter her for missionary sex. My wife, who works and contributes to the family income, who is an independent, professional woman. Honestly, I lost it more than ever before. I had never been so angry when I heard what he said. That may be his mom, he may be my son, but the woman he was abusively tearing into is my god damn wife. No one can treat my wife like that. I am ashamed to say in my anger, he shoved me and I physically retaliated, shoving him back, and pinning him against the wall. I felt ashamed of myself, I have never been an angry or violent person, but I couldn’t control myself. I’ve never put my hands on either of my children in such a way in my life, I hate child abusers... but this boy was no child. He was a grown man. He was intimidated and backed down, and for a while he was peaceful. The last straw was this week. My daughter has dated 3 people her whole life. A boy, a girl, and now another boy. We were as open about sex with my daughter as we were with my son. We asked if she would like to have a question-free steady supply of condoms left in her bathroom drawer, and if she wanted to get on birth control. She said no to both questions with her first boyfriend. She never really brought him home but we met him at one of her recitals. When she had a girlfriend she went over to her house all the time, and didn’t want to bring her to the same house her brother lived in, a sentiment I understood. But her most recent boyfriend has a lot going on behind the scenes in his family. He’s a nice boy but his mom is a single mom of 4 and they struggle. This boy started coming around a month after they got together. I like him. My daughter is happy with him. He treats her with respect. He is an intelligent boy. He’s an absolute gentleman. He’s respectful and polite in our home. He calls me sir, calls my wife Ma’am, he offers to help with the cooking or dishes or cleaning while he’s visiting, he talks to us, he’s a bit of an amateur cook himself and brings us food all the time to say thank you for taking care of him, when we go out for dinner he always offers to pay for himself and my daughter (though I know he doesn’t have much money so I always pay). When getting out of the car he opens the door for my wife and offers her his hand (he sits behind her for leg room). He holds the doors, when we leave somewhere he helps my daughter put her jacket on like those sweet old fashioned couples. This young man works hard, and gives what little he has to his mom and siblings. Like I said, I really respect the boy. I offered him money once for groceries for his family but he turns me down and says he would feel guilty accepting my money like that. He’s appreciative of things - in the winter, it was -20 and he had only a hoodie, so I draped my jacket over his arms, and I said “take it son, it’s cold.” He had tears in his eyes as he said thank you, and I made some excuse about wanting to get rid of the jacket and told him he could keep it if he brought cookies for us next time he visited. When Christmas came along, I invited him over for supper, and when I went to pick him up I delivered some presents for his family, and on the ride back to my house we had a moment. He was crying because he didn’t have much to give us - he got everyone in our house a present but he cried anyways because he felt it wasn’t enough to make up for what we gave him. I pulled over, and I just hugged him, and I said to him that it wasn’t the value of what he got, it was that he got us anything at all. I thanked him for treating my daughter so well, and I told him he would always be welcome in my home. My own son didn’t get us anything for christmas, not even a card bought with the money we give him. This boy got my wife and I matching wine glasses since we like to share a bottle every now and then. My son didn’t eat with us. He pillaged the food table and ran away to his room alone while my daughter’s boyfriend met my sister and her family and my parents and my uncle. They all told me how charming he was and how polite he was. Meanwhile after dinner my son told my 5 year old nephew “fuck off Faggot” for asking to play a game with him. A man over 20 years old. Last week, my wife and I went out for an evening to ourselves. We went to dinner, then we went to an upscale bar to play some pool, then we went home. When I walked in the door, the kids were screaming at each other. I came in to see my son and my daughter’s boyfriend fighting. The boyfriend was just pushing my son back and trying to redirect him, my son was throwing punches and charging him. My daughter was crying and sitting against the wall clutching her face. I got between them and pushed them apart, and demanded to know what was happening. My son went on a tirade about how he found birth control pills and heard “whore” sounds from her room, so he kicked open her door and discovered them having sex, he said he couldn’t believe his own sister would “be a nigger’s whore” and called the poor boy a monkey and other things. My wife got my daughter and her boyfriend out of there and I yelled at my son for how he was acting. Eventually I got nowhere with him so I made him wait in his room. I went to talk to my daughter. I apologized to her boyfriend, crying as I did, telling him that I hope he could forgive me for letting this happen. He said he was sorry for getting violent but that he only did it because my son hit her. My daughter cried and said he was a psycho and threatened to rape her, and that he admitted to ejaculating on her toothbrush and hair brush. I charged into his room, and I said firmly that he should pack his bags and leave. I told him I would pay to have his things sent to him, wherever he went, but that he was leaving tomorrow. My wife stayed at my sisters, and my daughter and her boyfriend spent the next few nights at his place. The next day I practically threw my son out of the house kicking and screaming. I took his key back and changed the alarm codes and garage door code. A day later I had a message requesting some of this things - mostly his gaming stuff - be delivered to some strange apartment block I didn’t recognize a couple of towns over. A college aged man buzzed me in and I delivered the stuff. I didn’t see my son. My wife and I then went through his room. My daughter’s boyfriend came over and helped me move his furniture to the garage. We threw out his mattress and some other more gross and smelly things, and we took out the carpet to be replaced. Hidden in the closet was a treasure trove of my daughter’s underwear, so saturated with old, moldy semen that they were as hard as bricks. The unnerving part was that there were a few pairs my daughter was adamant didn’t belong to her. And they were too small for my wife. It was possible he stole them from my nieces. There was a sketchbook containing graphic drawings of my son violently raping different women and keeping little girls chained up in some kind of sex dungeon. I went through his old phone that was still working, and all his photos were screenshots of my nieces and their friends in their bikinis, lots of cartoon porn, lots of red pill and incel and Trump memes. He still had messenger, so I checked his messages, most of them were just him trying to harass women and underaged girls. I checked his Email and... much to my disgust, he stole private photos of my wife from her phone, and he was selling them. Today, I went to the police with everything and told them everything. I gave my baby boy everything... I don’t know why he went down this road. But I’m just so sorry I failed him. I don’t know what the police will do... but I hope they stop him before he hurts someone else. The sad thing is... yesterday, once it was all over and settled, yesterday we had a wonderful day. One of the happiest we have ever had. Edit: there is a lot to sort through, it’s impossible to reply to everyone so let me hit the big points.
all the incels this post attracted can fuck off back to their holes.
how do I know the lingo? From my son.
“why didn’t I take his computer time away” I specifically said I did. His laptop was forbidden to be used in private, and I banned most of the sites he was using with the parental locks. He bought or stole another laptop behind our backs though and used his phone data. My wife and I don’t use our phone internet much so we didn’t think of it.
“it wasn’t Christmas last week” ??? I know? It’s.... November. The young man visited us on Christmas 2017. We had this fight last week. I don’t know how I have to clarify that there was a passage of time between the fight and Christmas, since it’s pretty clearly not Christmas right now, but.... alright.
“why wasn’t he in therapy” again this is a common comment from people who must have skimmed because we did put him in therapy. He was abusive towards several therapists, so we gave up on therapy.
“why not have him institutionalized” because that is MY SON. to have him locked away is not an easy decision. I love him. We wanted to believe he could still change. But he couldn’t.
I have no idea who he moved in with. I don’t care. Maybe an Airbnb?
“why didn’t you help him soonewas he bad as a child” as a kid he was introverted but not especially bad. He misbehaved sometimes but it wasn’t troubling. He had a few friends but they all had a falling out the first year of grade school. Prior to harassing that first girl he had some red flags. He seemed depressed, and his hygiene was spiralling. We tried to help him but he was stubborn. He didn’t want help. He wanted to be miserable. I listened to his problems and he complained about how his dream girl went after some other guy and how he stole her from him, and I tried to guide him and help him understand she wasn’t stolen because she isn’t property, she’s a person who made her own choice. He didn’t like that answer.
all the things you say we should have tried, we mostly did. We gave him lots of attention and love before all this and after. We still tried to be a family.
my daughter and her boyfriend helped me clear his room since I cannot carry certain heavy things myself. My daughter was therefore present when I found her underwear. She singled out a couple of pairs as not hers and was scared of where he got them from. She suggested keeping them for evidence.
there was a teacher who did get through to him somewhat, for a time. But he transferred to a different school district.
he wasn’t horrible all the time. Sometimes he could be good to be around. He could be really funny and clever. He was really good with animals. He was good with his games too. He got really passionate and excited about them and it made me happy seeing him having fun with a hobby. Seeing him smile could almost make me forget the things he’d done.
telling me to kill myself says a lot about yourself.
I’ve seen what toxic ideologies do to families. I’m not interested in joining your red pill, Jordan Peterson, or child beating cults.
advocating child abuse as a 20-something brat shows your immaturity. Advocating murder does too.
toxic masculinity is considering men weak for having the strength to express their emotions.
many complaints about “allowing” my daughter to be intimate with her boyfriend all stem from the same racist incel rhetoric my son used. There is literally nothing wrong with interracial couples. I couldn’t be happier that my daughter is with someone who loves and treats her with dignity.
incels struggle with reading, evidently. My daughter had her first boyfriend at 15, and I doubt there was anything going on between them. She is currently 18. So yes, she probably has sex. As an adult woman. Not really anyone’s business. My son is 22, soon to be 23.
edit 2 With new replies coming in by the truckload and 3 new pm’s for every one I reply to, I am getting slightly overwhelmed by the response here. I can’t really keep up, even just reading I have begun skipping comments to keep up. I have things to do today but I’ll try to catch up every so often. edit 3 Mods locked the thread. I am not sure why but there are almost 10,000 replies and maybe 500 pm’s to sort through.
Link for photo Galilee Hebraios: Now apparently the word Hebrew comes from the Greek "Hebraios". Though, ultimately, derived from Genesis 10:21. Etymology
The modern English word "Hebrew" is derived from Old FrenchEbrau, via Latin from the GreekἙβραῖος (Hebraîos) and Aramaic'ibrāy, all ultimately derived from Biblical HebrewIvri (עברי), one of several names for the Israelite (Jewish and Samaritan) people (Hebrews). It is traditionally understood to be an adjective based on the name of Abraham's ancestor, Eber, mentioned in Genesis 10:21
Jewhetibew Fendy: Though, common sense alone, may suggest that the word Jew and Hebrew were well and truly evolving as far back as the reign of Princess Jewhetibew Fendy. Jewhetibew Fendy
The Thirteenth Dynasty of ancient Egypt (notated Dynasty XIII) is often combined with Dynasties XI, XII and XIV under the group title Middle Kingdom. Some writers separate it from these dynasties and join it to Dynasties XIV through XVII as part of the Second Intermediate Period. Dynasty XIII lasted from approximately 1803 BC until approximately 1649 BC, i.e. for 154 years. The 13th Dynasty was a direct continuation of the preceding 12th Dynasty, with its first ruler believed to be a son of Amenemhat IV.Kim Ryholt proposes that the demarcation between the two dynasties reflects the rise of the independent 14th Dynasty in the eastern Delta, an event which, he proposes, occurred during Sobekneferu's reign. As direct heirs to the kings of the 12th Dynasty, pharaohs of the 13th Dynasty reigned from Memphis over Middle and Upper Egypt, all the way to the second cataract to the south. The power of the 13th Dynasty waned progressively over its 150 years of existence and it finally came to an end with the conquest of Memphis by the Hyksos rulers of the 15th Dynasty, c. 1650 BC.
Hyksos invasion: The Hyksos invasion led to the peoples of the white princess following her in to Egypt. and they caused widespread destruction. Successors
After allowing discipline at the southern forts to deteriorate, the government eventually withdrew its garrisons and, not long afterward, the forts were reoccupied by the rising Nubian state of Kush. In the north, Lower Egypt was overrun by the Hyksos, a Semitic people from across the Sinai. An independent line of kings created Dynasty XIV that arose in the western Delta during later Dynasty XIII. According to Manetho, into this unstable mix came invaders from the east called the Hyksos who seized Egypt "without striking a blow; and having overpowered the rulers of the land, they then burned our cities ruthlessly, razed to the ground the temples of gods..." Their regime, called Dynasty XV, was claimed to have replaced Dynasties XIII and XIV in most of the country.
Link for photo Native egyptian Gauls: However, although Galilee comes from a word with Greek roots, even though the Greeks got that word from Genesis 10.21, when the Greeks referred to Galilee, they were actually referring to Gauls, from Anatolia, in a slightly different abbreviated form. And Galatia was the Greek name for Anatolia, dating back to a time when the land south of Galatia was still inhabited by a mostly Arabic population. Galatia
Link for photo Galatia Gaelic: Now, it goes without saying really, that the language of the Gauls was Gaelic, and Gaul covered a huge territory. In the West, Gaul included certain northern parts of Italy. Gaul
Link for photo Gaul/Galli Latin league: In fact, the Romans got their Latin language from the Gauls, who were evolving in to speaking a more modern Latinised Gaelic version of language, when the Romans conquered the Latin league, and adopted their language, which was still partially Gaelic. Roman leadership of the league
During the reign of Tarquinius Superbus, the Latins were persuaded to acknowledge the leadership of Rome. The treaty with Rome was renewed, and it was agreed that the troops of the Latins would attend on an appointed day to form a united military force with the troops of Rome. That was done, and Tarquin formed combined units of Roman and Latin troops. The early Roman Republic formed an alliance with the Latin League in 493 BC. According to Roman tradition, the treaty, the foedus Cassianum, followed a Roman victory over the league in the Battle of Lake Regillus.
Link for photo Latin league headquarters Dorian invasion: And even the Greek language, which plays back words to people, is actually not an ancient language in the scale of things, and they got their language from the Dorian invasion. There would be a very strong chance that the Dorians were the very same people that were conquering their territory, in both Greece, and Anatolia. And the Dorians came from the North, pushing south around 1000 BC. Dorian invasion
The Dorian invasion is a concept devised by historians of Ancient Greece to explain the replacement of pre-classical dialects and traditions in southern Greece by the ones that prevailed in Classical Greece. The latter were named Dorian by the ancient Greek writers, after the Dorians, the historical population that spoke them.
Link for photo Hittite empire Indo-Aryan: The Hittite empire was an Aryan empire, centred by the Indo-Aryan coregents of Mitanni, which united Indus valley to Europe. Though the Indo-Aryan kings of Mitanni ruled a land mostly populated by non indo-european speaking Arabs. Mitanni
While the Mitanni kings and other members of royalty bore names resembling Indo-Aryanphonology, they used the language of the local people, which was at that time a non-Indo-European language
Link for photo Indo Aryan co-regents Hebrew: Now, according to Jewish tradition, Hebrew simply means from the otherside of the rivedesert. There is much speculation as to where the otherside is. However a clue could come from Abraham. Wherever the otherside is, the Hebrew language is supposed to have evolved from a descnedant of Abraham named Eber. Etymology
It is traditionally understood to be an adjective based on the name of Abraham's ancestor, Eber, mentioned in Genesis 10:21. The name is believed to be based on the Semitic root ʕ-b-r (עבר) meaning "beyond", "other side", "across"; interpretations of the term "Hebrew" generally render its meaning as roughly "from the other side [of the rivedesert]"—
Link for photo Hebrew Ebraucus: Now according to Welsh, Scottish and Irish tradition, Ebraucus (Gaelic word) from 1050 BC was a king of Albany. Ebraucus
The region in turn gave rise to the English name for the "Sea of Galilee" referred to as such in many languages including ancient Arabic. In the Hebrew language, the lake is referred to as Kinneret (Numbers 34:11, etc.), from Hebrew kinnor ('harp', describing its shape);
Link for photo Harp Hibernian: Now it is not impossible that a king in Gaul, could be related to a king in Galilee. Particularly as Goolish and Hibernian looking peoples are known to have acquired the highest positions of Ancient egypt dating back to 3000 BC. Mereruka
Mereruka served during the Sixth Dynasty of Egypt as one of Egypt's most powerful officials at a time when the influence of local state noblemen was increasing in wealth and power. Mereruka held numerous titles along with that of Vizier), which made him the most powerful person in Egypt after the king himself.
Éber Finn (modern spelling: Éibhear Fionn), son of Míl Espáine, was, according to medieval Irish legend and historical tradition, a High King of Ireland and one of the founders of the Milesian) lineage, to which medieval genealogists traced all the important Gaelic royal lines. Geoffrey Keating dates his reign to 1287 BC,
2020.09.21 19:23 VaughanflowersBoyfriend likes other girls photos on instagram after I’ve asked him to stop.
My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been dating for 2 years now. Our relationship has been great. Amazing actually. He’s been overall good to me. Has never been verbally or physically abusive. We never really have conflicts and on the rare occasion that we do, it’s NEVER serious just little bickering. When we do have disagreements we talk it out and it’s overall a very productive talk. We both are there for each other emotionally. We give each other our space. We don’t share passwords and we hang out with each of our friends and over all I’m very happy with him. He’s says he’s very happy with me. His family likes me a lot and our relationship is very comfortable and there’s lots of love and the sex is amazing for all that matters. He’s a conventionally attractive male and I’ve been told I’m attractive as well and it’s something I’ve always heard all my life. Not to toot my own horn but it’s usually one of the first things people bring up (you’re so pretty!!) and I’ve gotten a lot of opportunities on social media because of my looks. But even with all of that I’m still a little insecure sometimes. Specially recently on gaining a small bit of weight in unflattering areas. We’re also a interracial couple (he’s a white male) with all his ex’s being white women and me being the only person of color. A part of me always fears of him going back to a white woman if we ever break up. (I’ll explain why I’m mentioning that below) It’s silly I know maybe only interracial couples know what I’m trying to say. I’ve never had to really question him or his intentions though at least not till now. I always get likes on my photos of guys with girlfriends and part of me feels bad for the girl because to me it’s pretty disrespectful to like other girls photos specially bikini pictures or pictures with captions like “he’s with you but he wants me” (not that I post that) however I’ve never liked the idea because I can see from my perspective that I often times pitty the girls because it just doesn’t look right specially after their boyfriends spam my account or like every single post and don’t even like their own girlfriends post. I’ve also heard from other girls “damn he’s with her but he stays liking my pics” it can definitely be a lot more than it is in the girl world. Specially when the guy is attractive to most girls like my boyfriend is. So to the point of this. My boyfriend liked a couple pictures of very attractive girls on Instagram in the end of our first year together. Not influencers but locals. I let him know I really didn’t like it and explained to him that it made me feel insecure and he “stopped”. Then instagram took off the liked photos option and so I don’t really know if he continued or not until I was on my explore page and saw a girl that was pretty and as soon as I saw the picture I saw he had liked it and it turns out it was somebody in the area. It was also a bikini picture so I got pretty upset and I went through all the girls on his following list and checked to see if he liked any other ones and sure enough he did. It was also in the span of a couple days. I know that behavior is a bit toxic and it made me feel really ashamed of myself but the fact that I found what I was looking for well it justified it for me. I confronted him about it. I was really upset because a little while before I had confessed to him my deepest insecurities about myself. I cried in front of him and he himself even got a little teary eyed and comforted me and to me he seemed to understand. I nearly broke up with him that night because I felt so betrayed. Mostly because he knew how much it would hurt me to see that he still did it without even considering my feelings. Specially a photo of a white girl with a great body in a bikini that literally lives in the same town as him. This happened in august maybe, it’s now September and last night I had a really bad dream. I woke up and to try to sleep I went on instagram and saw he had a photo up so I went through his likes because I noticed he got more than usual and something in me told me to look at the first account of some this girl and so I did and I saw her first picture with a petty caption something similar to “you like me more “ some bullshit like that and he sure enough liked it. After almost breaking up not even a month ago after he cried to me and told me he didn’t want to loose me he decided to completely disregard my feelings and do it again. He liked it with a caption like that. He even promised he wouldn’t the second time around. I ask him if it was such a big deal that he just HAD to like another girls picture and he said no. But he did it again. It’s always white blond girls too and that doesn’t help my insecurities from being an interracial couple. By all means I am not envious of white women in general. They’re beautiful but I love being a latina and we’re all very beautiful and he doesn’t fetishize that in me. He would date anyone of any race I just can’t help but to notice it’s always blondes (he says he doesn’t even like blondes that much). Why does he feel the need to have to like their picture s even if that means causing an argument. We do share our location for safety reasons and she is from a further town away he sometimes visits but honestly I don’t get the inclination that he’s cheating on me. I don’t think he would ever do that honestly. When I asked him why he says “I don’t know I’m an idiot” that’s his answer all the time. I ask him to talk to me about it to let me know if maybe he doesn’t think liking a picture is a big deal. Maybe if he just told me that then maybe I wouldn’t be so upset when I see it but the fact that he just plays dumb is so upsetting to me. Also the fact that he knows how much it hurts me to see that and at this point it’s not even about the girl it’s about the fact that I’ve asked him to stop twice and he’s seen how hurt I’ve been by it and he still does it. It makes me question myself. He says he loves me. He shows me he loves me. We have such a great relationship and I’m so happy with him but it’s just this that he does that really just makes me question everything. It’s making me feel more suspicious more jealous and I know that’s toxic behavior and I don’t want to be accusing him of stuff because I know that’s not fair to him but I just don’t know why he does it even after I’ve asked him to stop because he will absolutely not tell me. He just calls himself an idiot. I want to fix things but he can not communicate with me on this one thing. He said he wouldn’t do it again but at this point I don’t believe him. Should I be this worried? Am I overreacting or being controlling? I try my best to be the best person I can be to him and I try to be confident and give him space and not be controlling whatsoever but I just feel like this is hurting me and in the long run it might be the fall of our relationship I’m scared it might happen again. I’m scared that if I keep forgiving him he will just do it again and again until I bug off about it. But it really doesn’t sit well with me. It really does upset me and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for because I can very well use social media without liking other pictures of attractive men so what is so hard about that?
2020.09.21 12:18 throwaway437282I feel that my parents see me as a utility, rather than a person with feelings?
All my life I feel that one of my parents has been trying to mould me into the ideal version of himself? First by trying to push me into a soccer career and then after into a degree that will be potentially lucrative after college? And then the next step would be to have an arranged marriage to a woman from my parent’s tribe? My parent’s tribe suffered a genocide, which is why I feel guilty if I marry outside of the tribe But I grew up and lived in majority white western countries, so it is already hard to date people from my tribe naturally, as they are a very small minority. And I also feel guilty if I end up in an interracial relationship, because the genocide was perpetrated by mixed and lighter skinned people against our tribe, who is dark skinned black. I am already technically biracial (half brown half black) but I feel that the black side of my family is wanting me to marry within their tribe in order to preserve the ethnic lineage? After all of this. I just feel like I am being treated as a utility, rather than a person? Just the fact that I’m studying a potentially lucrative degree already attracts my family members to push me into a marriage within their tribe And after I get married, most likely my black parent would want me to live with my arranged wife and me under one roof. Which would hand even more control over my life to my parents? Sometimes I just feel like I’m being used to show off to my black parent’s community for how “successful” I am by marrying me off and keeping me within the community? I just feel like “narcissistic supply” for my black parent sometimes And not recognised for having feelings of my own or my own wants and needs? I always had to suppress and dismiss my own wants and needs in favour of my black parent’s wants and needs? Am I reaching here or do you guys agree that I am just being stroomde to be narcissistic supply? TL/DR: I am soon going to be pressured to have an arranged marriage to a woman from my black parent’s tribe, but I feel it has all to do with me being treated as narcissistic supply to my black parent? I just feel treated like a utility, rather than a person with feelings?
2020.09.21 10:31 ThrowRA_InstinctSyncI (26M) broke up with my former partner (20F) about a week ago, and we are looking to get back together
Dated a girl for almost a year. And I broke up with her a week before what would have been our one year anniversary. She battled depression and anxiety during that time I got to know her, all of which I had learnt to deal with or at least help her cope with it. We were making progress in our relationship and we'd still have fight but one day we decided she needed to seek professional help. Which she did. This worked for sometime and things started to fall back in place until I realized how I was losing focus of myself and well being, including mental health. I'm became a bit depressed and lazy as we'd cuddle all day and just go out to eat and watch movies till we pass out, and repeat cycle. I realized how mad I was at myself for not focusing on my goals and ambitions and I knew what the problem was. Here's a little description of the relationship in point form for some of the things to consider when giving advice on this whole situation - Interracial couple - Different religions (I'm Christian, she's Muslim) This didn't bother me it only did as she was thinking along the lines of getting married with me in the future and I would have to convert, which I would not do. And she won't convert either. If she runs away to marry, she gets disowned by whole community. She would have to leave country as well cause that gets as serious as death threats. And this is something I do not want for her. It's too much of a sacrifice on her part and I can't marry someone whose parent/community has cursed us in a way. - Her widowed parent is racist and wouldn't allow a person of color to date/marry her daughter ok that's that... now to the other bits Started getting annoyed with the little things she'd do that normally wouldn't annoy me on a regular day until one day when she was pushing my buttons and I broke up with her. This time for real. I say for real because I called it quits so many times when she would threaten to kill herself and then self harm. This was only hard to deal with as she lives far and her depression would heavily kick in when she's not staying over with me for days or a week. So we'd only talk on the phone and I would give her that ultimatum. If she hurts herself I'm leaving. Tbh it was already toxic at that point. The love felt conditional for me, and I also felt trapped. Like the only reason she's not self harming is because I threatened to walk away. I started meditating, going to the gym and trying to eat healthy again. Basically I became in tune with myself and my goals. Then the day she came to collect all her stuff I saw a changed person. Vibrant and alive. I told her what I've been up to and how I was trying to take care of myself to recover from the mental pressure I was secretly battling. How I bought a plant and taking care of it. Then I learn that she's doing the same. She started taking better care of herself. She no longer has bad self image about her body. Says is trying to eat healthy and all. Basically I was looking and talking to the kind of girlfriend I had wanted all along, the one I saw when we first met before I learned about all the abuse, bullying and depression it caused. I was in too deep but not to say I wasn't in love. I never block or ghost a girl and she said she has had breakups also and would just block me but she couldn't go through with it. What we had was something I never had with any other person and that was the same for her. I guess I fell in love with potential until I couldn't take it any longer, if only i waited. We share our meditation experiences and updates on our well being but It's limited communication to once a day or so. if she doesn't message I won't go out my way to reach out. Basically once a day. Short messages, very platonic and straight forward. It feels awkward, but we didn't ghost each other. We scheduled a meet to talk about a possibility of getting back together but I am confused. I'm afraid the same things will come back and haunt us as I know habits are hard to get rid off. I'm afraid the same kind of pattern is happening again where I put down an ultimatum and saw temporary change. I hope it's not a short lived change as I have already changed and set my goals in stone. No one comes before my vision unless they are adding to it. Any advice please? And I'm sorry for my story telling skills, they need work. Thank you for any insight on this. TL;DR [Broke up with former partner. She changed (or is showing signs of change) and is now more positive and dealing with depression a lot better. Should we get back together?]
2020.09.20 14:01 throwaway437282My black side of my family is pressuring me to marry someone from my tribe?
Hi guys, I’m am technically mixed, half black and half brown The black side of my family experienced a genocide by more mixed and lighter skinned Africans. Which is why I feel guilty if I end up in an interracial relationship? I feel that it’s really likely that I will end up in an interracial or at least intercultural relationship because I live and grew up in the west where the majority of the country is white? I have a lot of white friends but that’s because they have been very good friends to me and I don’t choose my friends based on colour but on how they treat me. I have very good black friends too. But also want to connect to the black community more. Problem is, even if I date a black girl, I will still be hated by my family for not preserving their tribe? If I marry a Ghanaian, they will still see me as not preserving my black parent’s ethnic lineage? My tribe is a a super minority as I’ve almost never met someone from my tribe at college. So either my black parent would help me matchmake with someone trok my tribe if they live in the west Or I would have to travel to my black parent’s country of origin to have an arranged marriage; and it’s tough for me because how can I marry someone I barely know and out of pressure rather than genuine interest? Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure to only have black friends and “choose” my friend group? But how can I just discard my very good friends because of this? They have been some of the most caring friends I have had. I want to just be my own person and interact with whoever I want, whether black or white But I get the feeling that some black peoples, especially pro black people, say that if you don’t live purely black, as in black friends, wife, kids etc. That you will lose your “blackness”? It’s just confusing to me because I live in a predominantly white country so I feel that even if I go for the arranged marriage to a woman from my tribe; my children might then marry out anyways? Or one of my descendants would marry out of the tribe anyways? Do any other fellow black people struggle from the same issue too? As I have no problem dating black women, but then I still feel that pressure of not being allowed to date whoever I want because of my family wanting me to marry within my tribe? And then other black people making me feel like I will lose my “blackness” if I have a lot of white friends? TL/DR: I face a huge amount of pressure from my family to preserve my tribe because of the genocide they experienced my having an arranged marriage. But how can I reconcile this when I have grown up in the west in majority white countries and barely meet people from my tribe and am around people from other ethnicities mostly?
2020.09.20 01:07 marionmoseby88Interesting tid bits from the Nakatsu family blog.
For those who don't know, Katey Nakatsu, 22, from Arizona is widely rumoured to be one of the twin's girlfriend. Her Instagram has only about 200 followers, but she is followed by basically every Duggar and Duggar adjacent account, even Claire Spivey, Justin's new girlfriend. Her family have a public family blog.
There's an entry to their blog named 'Biblical Betrothal'. It was created in June 2018, possibly giving us a date to when their relationship started, or was at least in the talks between the families. This specific entry however, is password protected, so the name and date it was created is all we have about that so far.
Two kiddos! The Nakatsu family only consist of two daughters, Katey and Lauren, with Katey being the older daughter (Lauren seems to be a favourite TBH, as Mr. Nakatsu seems to mention her most of the time when talking about his kids). This brings us to my next point.
The Nakatsu family seem to have joined the IBLP, or fundie-ism in general, much later than most families, most likely in the girl's mid-late teens. Excluding the fact that they only have two (now grown up) children, there are many blog posts where the family is wearing definitely not IBLP approved clothing. There's an entry where they even went scuba diving in the Cayman Islands and the girls are in swimsuits! The horror! Considering it's much harder to brainwash someone who has seemed to have lived a normal-ish life their childhood, I wonder how this will manifest itself when (if) we get to see Katey and her family's personality on the show or online one day. Will these future Duglets pull a Jill Duggar? Will Katey pull an Olivia Plath on Jed/Jeer? (Although if this will happen it'll probably be Jeer).
People have asked about the origins of Katey's surname. And their blog shows Mr. Nakatsu (Katey's father) is half Japanese. I wonder if Jim Bob will try to say Hola to their family in a pathetic effort to try to get to know his in laws better, as he did when the Duggars actually went to Japan. Mr. Nakatsu actually wrote what would now be a very NOT fundie approved entry calling his Japanese mother a 'Matriarch Pioneer' and spoke about her struggles immigrating to the USA and also about interracial marriage at the time and the laws against it. He also wrote a birthday entry to his uncle, which included some Japanese writing in it! I wonder if Katey knows some Japanese!
Divorce! Blended families! More not fundie approved stuff! Mr. Nakatsu is a divorceè! The girls live with their father and step-mother. We know he is indeed a divorceè and not a widow because of an entry his wife (the girl's stepmother) made about Mother's Day, where she said that the girls are spending the day with ''their mom''. She also writes about how she struggles with knowing she will never be their real mother, and how she loves Katey and Lauren ''as if they were my own''.
See the original article and the garbage it inspired. If you were to find the about page of his blog, you would know that he defends the blog from promoting white supremacy by simply reporting the facts. A strict reading could put together that it doesn't mean that one couldn't defend or rationalize past systems of white supremacy. I've recently revisited and clarified the issues of his Slave trade article, and soon I plan on talking about multiple issues with his slavery article as well, so today I will do the same with this one. The running theme of the piece is that disparities during Jim Crow either couldn't be explained specifically by segregation, or that disparities came larger after the 1960s thus segregation as a factor is ruled out. The problems are that -
For each aspect that he measures, he doesn't tie it to a specific expert claim on how Segregation played a role in the disparity.
He doesn't account for post-1960s factors that causes the persisting or larger disparity, and assumes post-1960s is a systematically neutral control.
For certain disparities he compares, they are inappropriate and are not indicative of what he purports.
And for the record, no, he doesn't actually talk about voting or juror restriction by race. The article- We first get a rationalization of his analysis.
When I was younger, I would read world atlases. And sometimes I would come to an article, say an article on the country Colombia, and it would say that Colombia is a world leader in coffee production, then list off some other “cash crops”. Then it would go into the growing textiles sector, and mention that it has some problem with debt. Maybe it’s a leading producer of phosphates as well or something. And if you read all of this qualitative, subjective description, you would never realize that Colombia was poor. It’s not until you got to “per capita GDP” that you would discover that it was $3,000 per capita. You could also have someone qualitatively describe a football game between Auburn and Alabama. And they could do highlights, and describe some of the big plays, and you wouldn’t know that Alabama completely steamrolled Auburn until you looked at the box score. Or imagine if your son was “describing” qualitatively and subjectively how he was doing in his classes. As a parent you don’t care, you want to see the damn grades. And so the effects of segregation on blacks. What does the data say? Because in school when segregation is taught, it’s the equivalent of describing a football game by just looking at the highlights and not the box score. It’s cat-lady storytime. Well, there are a few big go-to topics that popped into my mind to try to quantify the effects of segregation on blacks: cops and courts, schools, income and lynching. So that’s what I go-to’d.
1. Incarceration rate The incarceration rate for blacks relative to whites has increased at least since 1930, probably long before that. So in terms of blacks being targeted for being sent to prison, it looks like they were substantially less targeted compared to today. So if the legal systems were unfair during segregation, they appear to be even more unfair today. Or perhaps they weren’t unfair during segregation, are unfair today, or perhaps the laws are different today in a way that disparately impacts blacks more than they did in the past. There are all sorts of things we can speculate, but it’s not immediately or obviously apparent, from the data, that the legal system was particularly keen on incarcerating blacks compared to today.
So for those of you more keen on race and mass incarceration, you would know that this is particularly strong in Northern Urban regions rather than the South. A whole demographic transition occurred that accounted for it. Not to mention he never actually looked for studies that purport to address biases during Jim Crow. What does he find through is roundabout ways?
2. Prison sentences For prison sentences, the numbers have been remarkably stable. When you look at length of prison terms for blacks compared to whites after the FIRST release from prison, it’s very close. The first release data is important because none of these are repeat offenders. Repeat offenders get more time, and blacks are more likely to be repeat offenders. That said, based on the data below, blacks serve roughly ~15% longer prison terms for their first term. It could be because the crimes blacks commit within each category are, on average, more severe. It could be racial bias on the part of judges. Or it could be that blacks have worse courtroom behavior, as when IQ is controlled for, the racial gap in prison sentences goes away. But what you don’t see is blacks having longer prison sentences during segregation. Black Multiple of White Median Time Served For ALL Releases in State and Federal Prisons Now what if we looked at median prison time served just in the South, and back in 1937 – smack in the middle of “Jim Crow” – and included repeat offenders, of which black inmates are a higher proportion today? The result is not that much different from the entire US today: Black Multiple of White Median Time Served For ALL Releases in 14 Southern States in State and Federal Prisons Remember, the 1937 data is JUST from the South, supposedly the hot seat of bigotry, and includes repeat offenders. Homicide data is an unweighted average of each category. In 1937 and 1952 they used Murder and Manslaughter, in 1964 they just had Homicide, and in 2009 they had Murder, Negligent Manslaughter and Non-Negligent Manslaughter. In case you think I am cherry-picking the years to paint a particular narrative, these are literally just the years used in the Bureau of Justice report I am citing. And so what we can see is that the black-white incarceration gap is wider today than it was in 1930. In addition, the racial gap in sentence length for first offenders does not appear to have changed at all. Even the data that INCLUDED repeat offenders just in the South in 1937 doesn’t differ that much from the first-time offender data nationally and later. And so this makes the idea that the current US legal system was more biased against blacks during segregation than it is today SEEM false.
So this is a good example of a data point that doesn't correspond to a specific Civil Rights claim for Jim Crow relative to the post-1960s. Mass incarceration is usually shown as being a post 1960s phenomenon of bias as a particular, in connection to Blacks increasing presence in the North. His source supports it. On page 88.
The median time served for the total was 17 days. For blacks the median was 2 days longer, 19 days. Interestingly, there were larger differences between whites and blacks in time served in the North than in the South. The median time served in the North for whites was 18 days and for blacks a full week longer, 25 days. In the South the median was 17 days for blacks and 16 days for whites. Looking at time served by offense, these differences continue.
Typical civil rights claims are in regard the lack of Black Jurors deals with not simply length of prison time but biases towards choosing conviction by a white jury relative to a comparable white defendant, which this doesn't study. Therefore, the proper way how to study this would be conviction rates in the same region overtime, such as the South, and compared between different types of juries and defendants. I lack data on this, but one form of bias I have found was application of the death Penalty for rape in the South from the 1930s to the 1960s was harsher not just for Black Criminals, but for Black criminals accused ofraping whites. In further detail, 13% of Black rapists in 11 southern states received the death penalty compared to 2% of whites. Decreases in overall non-white (likely black) executions, by his source, decreased sharply after the 1960s. Overtime, rates of executions decreased even though crime increased into this period. Mind you, there were death penalty changes around this time. This source, btw, contains a variety of measurements by race during Jim Crow into the present that could suggest bias outside of merely prison sentences.
3. Lynching A related topic to this is lynching. From Richard M. Perloff, Professor of Communication at Cleveland State University: “Approximately 4,742 individuals were lynched between 1882 and 1968; of the victims, 3,445 or 73 percent were Black.” All lynchings were in response to a claimed offense, such as a rape or stealing cattle. Blacks were 72.65% of all recorded lynchings while being ~26.87% of the population of the South at the time. The Black population of the Southern US 1880-1970 averages 26.87% at each decade. And so based on their population alone, if lynchings were race-neutral, and we knew nothing about race differences in violent crime going in, we would expect 26.87% of all lynchings to be of blacks. Blacks comprised 72.65% of all lynchings, giving them a representation 2.70 times their population. However, according to wikipedia, most lynchings occurred between 1882 and 1920, and during that time period the average black population was 31.76% of the southern US population. Using this number, blacks as a percentage of lynchings are only 2.29 times their percentage of the population. If we split the difference and just say that the black population of the south was 29.32% of the total population, then blacks as a percentage of lynchings was 2.48 times their percentage of the population. By comparison, in 2010, blacks comprised 12.6% of the total US population, but were 38.13% of the population charged for violent crimes, giving them a representation 3.03 times their population. And so by raw numbers the lynch mobs appear to be slightly less racially targeting than the current US legal system is. Here are those numbers put in a table:
So when I first read this I thought he was comparing lynchings to police shootings. The second time shows me how asinine he is. This is a good example of an inappropriate comparison. Being charged with a crime isn't the same as a lynching, lynchings are categorized by the source he originally used for sentencing as an execution, one of the trends that decreased in rates for blacks and as established was higher in the South in ways suggestive of bias. From his source-
Almost three-fourths (73 percent) of those lynched between 1890 and 1962 (the date of the last recorded lynching) were black, and in the same period, 54 percent of those executed were nonwhite. About 90 percent of those dying under State authority were executed for homicide. Only 41 percent of illegal lynchings were for homicide (Tables 2-1 and 2-2).
This is more or less consistent with my studies showing that, in the South, rape (the next largest portion of lynching offenses After Homicide) was disproportionately applied to black men with death. Lynchings, as well decreased in accordance with campaigning against it as established in my Dwight Murphey post. This would be an example of civil rights interacting with oppression.
4. Income This is where arguments regarding the negative effects of segregation start to have some backing in data. Looking at census data from 1948, we can see that black income as a proportion of white income went from around 44% in 1948 to about 80% in 2000. This looks like a massive effect from desegregation on it’s face: 📷 However, there is some interesting data from 1880. If you just look within regions, the racial gap is much less. At that time, black workers earned on median 37% of what white workers earned. However, if you just looked at the south, blacks earned 58% of what white workers earned. So just with that regional control we’re already almost half way to the current black-white income ratio. Population and wage income by race and region in 1880 But the paper did something else – it looked at black labor income relative to whites, but just looked a rural southern whites and blacks, and only looked at labor income. And in that instance, black income was 89% of white income: 📷 And so when you look at the same region, and the same kind of work, and just compare the wages of workers, the black-white income gap in the rural South was only 11%, lower than it is today. And that difference could very plausibly be due to blacks having fewer skills on average in 1880. I would be interested to see similar thin slices just looking at urban blacks in the south vs. urban whites in the south, and urban blacks in the north to urban whites in the north. I suspect that the more you held constant region and urban/rural divide, the smaller the racial gap would be. Which is to say, that it seems like much of the black-white income gap could have been a function of blacks living in rural areas (which were poorer back then) and living in the south (which was poorer back then). In addition, we can see that the narrowing of the black-white income gap roughly corresponds with blacks moving out of the south. This is not a 1:1 correlation, but it is does suggest that simply moving out of the south), which began in earnest around 1910, is part of the explanation for the narrowing of the black-white income gap: 📷 And in the north, where more of the blacks were slaves who had earned their freedom before 1865, black wages as a proportion of white wages were higher. In fact blacks in the north were wealthier than whites in the south for quite some time. Moreover, the narrowing of the black-white income gap at the national level occurred almost entirely during segregation. So to say that the smaller amount of narrowing that occurred following desegregation was in fact a result of desegregation is something that sounds kinda plausible – there’s certainly a little story you can tell – but there’s very little data for it. The most you could say is that there was a brief acceleration of the narrowing of the black-white income gap immediately after 1965, but that could be a coincidence, and even if you want to say it was a result of the civil rights act, then the acceleration versus a continuation of the previous trend is still only going to be like 2%. Now as for why the black-white income gap narrowed from 1948 (at least) to 2000, that’s another topic. I suspect much of it has to do with the economic rise of the south and the migration of blacks away from the rural economy. Also this higher income may not have corresponded with a rise in living standards relative to whites since the cost of living may have increased, but that’s more speculative. But desegregation doesn’t appear to have any relevance to it. So even the narrowing of the black-white income gap, long touted as prime evidence that segregation was previously suppressing black wages, the evidence is not so clear on that.
So, he decreased the gap however in a way that was not applied to the modern gap, therefore makes his comparison null. He spends most of this section explaining factors pertaining to geography and the like explaining the gap, even though it's existence is tied to both slavery and the economic and educational limitations of the South for Blacks. This can be seen in the lack of second generation benefits of white migrants relative to black migrants, those born in the North being positively selected for those returning to the South, and the steeper reduction in poverty among southern Blacks due to migrants that returned to the South. Likewise, despite his claims that Northern Blacks being richer than Southern Whites, he doesn't produce a chart or study showing that.
5. Wealth and Employment Two more things to consider is that up until the 1950’s blacks had employment rates similar to that of whites. And the unemployment rate in blacks grew much more after 1965: 📷 And in terms of wealth, black wealth as a proportion of white wealth has remained stagnant since 1963: Moreover, I would say that the absolute disparity is more important than the black-white ratio. Because lets say you have $10 and Bob has $100. That’s a $90 gap. Depending on your job, that’s a day’s wage, or half a day’s wage. Now if you have $100 and Bob has $900, now you’re looking at multiple days’ wage. And so on and so on. So even though the relation is the same, the practical importance of the gap is growing. Also just the total dollar amount difference is increasing. And these are all in “2013 dollars”, which adjusts for inflation. And so when people say that the relative economic situation of blacks has improved relative to whites since segregation, they’re looking at one thing: nominal income at the national level. They’re not looking at employment, at wealth, or how much, if at all, the income gap has narrowed when controlling for what region of the country we’re looking at, or if it’s urban or rural.
While this is worth pointing out, it fails to account for complex factors of the great migration. While gains were present, unemployment increased due to urban living and relatively higher demands in skill compared to the South. This can be seen by actually referencing the study he pulls the chart from, where changes in unemployment occur earlier and become starker outside of the South. What is also interesting his how an earlier study done by one of the researchers of the 1999 study he cites notes how human capital can't explain as much of the gap in the North as it can in the South.
6. Schools Another argument that segregation depressed black economic success is their lower school funding. On average, from 1890 to 1950, the average of how much each state spent on black schools as a proportion of what they spent on white schools was 56.96%. So they had less funding. But funding for what? For “better teachers”? What’s a “better teacher”? What has been found in the US is that increased real spending on schools has not increased overall performance since the 1970s, and more importantly voucher studies have shown that the school an individual goes to has no real impact on either GPA, standardized test scores or future college attendance. So the fact that additional funding didn’t matter in 1970 is one thing. But did it matter from 1870 to 1954? Well, we don’t have regular standardized tests from that time period, but we do have a nationally representative IQ test done in 1917 for all US army conscripts for World War 1. In it blacks scored a median of 83 compared to the white score that was set to 100. Today the black median is still at 85. Okay, two points. And my guess is they were hollow for “g” anyway. Certainly there were journalists at the time who did “investigative journalism” and wrote anecdotal reports of how bad the black schools were. Michael Moore does “investigative journalism” today too about how great the Cuban healthcare system is. Walter Duranty visited the USSR in the 1930s and came back writing glowing reviews of the benevolent, if firm, policies of Stalin. Maybe they were telling the truth, maybe they were making things up, who knows. Black schools were probably worse But the question is how much worse really? And for most people, did it even matter? Most of what people learn in school they forget anyway, so aside from literacy and basic math, the practical importance of school would be minimal for most people at that time. And the culture of school credentials as a signal to employers hadn’t developed yet, so at the time any “educational disadvantages” blacks had, whatever they were and if any, would not matter in terms of credential-signaling because that hadn’t developed yet, and in terms of knowledge beyond basic literacy and math – that all gets forgotten anyway.
He could've mentioned the Coleman Report but didn't. This is a pretty major study in this particular field of social science, so for Faulk to miss something crucial to grounding his point only demonstrates his lack of familiarity with the material.
I'm going to to assume, since the link is dead, that the studies referenced in that link doesn't account for how money is spent.
His study cites work from a cosumer behavior course, not actual studies on schools.
A recent study shows that for Jim Crow, school quality accounts for the majority of the wage gap for the era.
Previous data given regarding the Great Migration would indicate that education and a market to use it made generational different for blacks, even considering selection.
7. Countrymen? This section is a bit of a digression. In a broader sense, blacks weren’t seen as legitimate countrymen to some extent for some time in the region. And so since the blacks were viewed as “foreigners” to southern whites, who to some extent viewed northern whites as foreigners as well, they didn’t think they owed the blacks equal school funding any more than they owed people from Peru or Romania or China equal school funding. I.e. the black-white gap in school funding meant as much to them as the american-chinese gap in school funding, as both the Chinese and the blacks were foreign to the southern whites. Now you can have whatever opinion you want about it, and say that blacks were rightful countrymen of southern whites, and really pound your fists in self-righteous certainty about it because you “know it to be true”. That’s certainly your viewpoint. But understand that it is just your viewpoint, and when you realize that the southern whites viewed blacks the way we look at illegal immigrants today, and that the times during which either repatriation of blacks to Africa or creating a separate black country out of land in the US were serious proposals were still in living memory at the time. Today blacks have been part of the US for so long that such proposals probably seem bizarre to you. And they would bizarre and cruel if implemented today. But also remember that the US had to impose military governments in the south in order to pass the 14th amendment that gave the blacks citizenship. And Oregon, New Jersey and Ohio renounced their ratification of the 14th amendment after the fact in protest of this action. Obviously is was a symbolic gesture, but it showed that opposition to the way the 14th amendment was passed wasn’t considered some kooky fringe idea at the time. Of course it is now because if you bring up the use of military governments in passing the 14th amendment – well, “only racists talk about that”, so it just gets dismissed. But yes, understand that the 14th amendment was seen like granting “amnesty” to the illegals is today – it would be creating an alternative method of granting citizenship for a specific group of non-citizens in the US today. (And the fact that more whites supported granting citizenship to the black slaves at the time than supporting granting amnesty to illegals today is support for a theory I have about whites in the past being more “neurologically left-wing” even if they would be considered today to hold “far-right” positions by today’s standards.)
Despite whatever perceptions American whites had about Americans blacks, it doesn't change the facts were that blacks were not comparable to the Chinese at the time. The cultural gaps and their economic history on a racial basis doesn't justify it.
The basis of historical relativism in this case was seeming argued further in his MLK video, now deleted. That is, as argued by others before, whites didn't have to pay taxes for Black schools. This causes obvious problems as the average black had only limited wealth to tax in large part due to limited skills.
Faulk's self prophesied Conclusion- So, what do we learn from his conclusions? He bizarrely begins with a tangent on the Zimmerman and Wilson trials and the correlated of media knowledge. Some excerpts.
The jurors certainly knew more facts about each case than the general public did. Moreover, whites are more likely to believe Zimmerman and Wilson were justified, and whites do better on tests of current events knowledge. In addition, males, who do better on current events knowledge tests than females, also were more satisfied with the Zimmerman verdict than women, and women do worse on current events knowledge tests. Also, people with higher education levels approved the verdict as well. Thus, all three factors that correlate with general political and current events knowledge (being white, being male and having lots of time in school) also correlate with approving the Zimmerman trial verdict. And the people who had the MOST knowledge – the jurors – unanimously found Zimmerman not guilty. If you go by the literature in news media talking about “institutional racism” and “white privilege”, it’s not immediately obvious that the aggregate of all media is any less obsessed with the plight of the coloreds than they were in 1964. Maybe they were, but I have no way to really tell.
Do you see it? Do you see that lack of any real transition? Maybe some further comment can help.
But lets say Derrick Wilson killed “the gentle giant” in 1961. There was no internet in 1961, what you knew about the events was what a few major news outlets chose to report. As it happens, a jury also found J.W. Milam and Roy Bryant not guilty of murder in their killing of Emmett Till. And what do you know about that event? Do the facts you know of the Emmett Till verdict seem to paint a one-sided story to where it is unbelievable, yes, unbelievable that a jury would find Bryant and Milam not guilty?
Once again we have a comparison that isn't proper. The modern day examples leaves no ambiguity as to who killed who, it was a matter of whether the killing was justified or not. The Emmett Till situation was vastly different, since the matter of whether or not Till was killed, whether or not Milam and Bryant were guilty, or exactly what happened between Till and Bryant in the store. Her own account only goes as far as to say that she was grabbed by the waist, while press releases by the defense/police was explicitly more violent. Both stories differ from her original account to her lawyers. Even the officer who initially believed that the body belonged to Till changed his mind when the town's reputation began to be tarnished. Furthermore, even if we are to treat the Till case like the modern day examples, it only shows the hairiness of the case itself. Despite the defense being that Till is not confirmed dead, and that the brothers were innocent of murder, part of their defense regarding Till's actions and the release of Louis Till's rape record by politicians shows a blatant message. That even if the brothers killed Till, it was justified despite nonetheless being illegal. Anyone, however, can read the various sources that talks about the issue at length. Personally I have Devery Anderson's most recent book.
Because we all know that the courts in the South were incredibly unfair to the blacks? Except there’s no real data to support that at the time,
In regards to death penalties, legal and illegal, for interracial rape, we do. This is supported, along with the data, In regards to changing testimonies in the case of Till, from the police, we do. From the fact that shortly afterward another white on black murder with a white witness (and multiple black ones) claiming otherwise. Said white was not only a friend of the defendants of the Till case, but was defended by the same officer who doubted the corpse's identity. Point is that an entire survey of the south as a premise of bias is unnecessary (though supportive) of bias. The specific town where the crime took place has plenty of evidence of bias during the trial stemming from community values.
and victim surveys from modern times correspond with the police arrest rates, and police are more likely to kill a white person in any given arrest situation, are more likely to shoot blacks in simulations, and the black percentage of killing cops is higher than their percentage of being killed by cops. And in fact the black incarceration rate relative to whites is HIGHER than it was during segregation.
Irrelevant to the context of Till, a circumstance so legally unique from the above examples it shows Faulk's ignorance. The only connection is the matter of white credibility in modern settings verses in the context of a particular case.
As shown in previous articles, modern “institutional racism” in terms of police and court bias, callbacksand educationalopportunities are very easily revealed to be phantasms – or at the very least the issue of whether or not they exist is much more complex than the basic statistics you hear on tumblr and huffpo posts would suggest.
Both articles are shitty, see United Left on the school vouchers argument.
Recent studies have shown that residential racial segregation has increased in the United States. This is an improvement over older studies which simply looked at cities and the percentage of each race in the cities. These newer methods actually look at the likelihood of you having a neighbor of a different race, and find that racial segregation is increasing.
So it's basically comparing two different types of "segregation", the conventional method comparing pre-1960s trends nonetheless decreasing.
We already know that schools are more segregated than they were during the late 1960s. Now this is a profound thing; you’ve been to school. You had first hand experience with how racially segregated they were. THAT was close to what it was like during Jim Crow that we hear so many stories about. So… how segregated did it seem?
In other places on this site, Sean and I make arguments about how currently, blacks and hispanics are not getting a raw deal in employment, courts or education. But what surprised me was just how much, looking into the past, the old days seem so similar to today in terms of the lot of blacks compared to whites. They are drawn parallel. The past is not far away, it’s right here. 60 years ago was yesterday.
Only your superficial understanding of the 1960s, or any decade before.
Betrayed after giving my ex a second chance and lost on how to find closure and move on I (20F) took my ex (23M) back and reconnecting with him was so exhilarating, he told me how sorry he was about last time and how he regretted it (we only lasted a month the first time). Note: I’m sorry if this is long but the story is messy and at the very least an interesting read so thank you to anyone who gets through the whole thing. We met on tinder and had instantaneous chemistry, we got along great (one of the main reasons he came back to me along with him being very fond of my appearance according to him). He was the one who initiated everything, he asked me out and only four days into knowing me he told me “the more I talk to you the better I feel.” I developed feelings for him and thought he did too by how much he talked to me and was attracted. He even deleted tinder a week into knowing me. The first time we FaceTimed it felt so natural, there was no awkwardness, and our personalities just clicked and we were both attracted too. I’ve never had sex before but this was the first guy I wanted it with (even though we never got around to that). He ended it coldly out of the blue one day telling me that I lived too far away (were 50 km apart) and that he didn’t feel the same way, he was just being friendly, he didn’t reciprocate, he didn’t want to date me, I was too clingy and annoying, he didn’t have his own place, and that he just wasn’t interested in me anymore. Worst part is that he did it through text but I begged him to call me and he relented, but he told me that after that I want to move on. The phone call lasted an hour where I cried and he yelled and told me that we wouldn’t work. After the phone call I texted him a selfie of me flipping him off and he asked me “if I changed my mind again would you give up now?” And I said “omg you’re seriously doing this again?” He said “I am attracted to you” and “I said I don’t want a relationship right now.” I told him he hurt me and that I wasn’t his bitch. He told me that when he was ready we could meet but he’d only do it when he says and on his own conditions. However, at that moment we agreed to give each other space and I guess I wanted to cling onto the tiny bit of hope that he would stay. We didn’t talk for a few days aside from sending each other songs. Ultimately, he told me that he made up his mind and that he wasn’t interested and that he didn’t want to meet anymore. I just couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye so I asked him if things changed in the future would he want to meet me. He said he would for sure. I told him that’s why it’s better to leave things open ended. He agreed. The last thing I said to him was okay well text me some other time. And the last thing he said was okay. He never did (well not that I expected). After this text conversation I screamed as loud as I could and cried my heart out. It felt like my heart was cut in two, it was the first time I experienced a break up and he was the first guy I fell for. It was very painful for me and I cried for months on end. I felt like there was an empty hole where my heart was supposed to be and I was just terrified that it was possible for me to love someone this much. I don’t know why I feel this way about him but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that he’s my soulmate despite the negatives on the virtue of the way he makes me feel alone. I tried to move on and I think I got there halfway, I accepted that the distance was something I couldn’t control and that he wouldn’t come back. The most painful part of my breakup with him was not even the fact it ended but never being able to see how it would turn out. I was deeply hurt by all the what ifs and how we could’ve been great together but circumstances fit in the way. 6 months later I download tinder again and 20 minutes into using the app, I see that he’s swiped right on me. I felt completely shocked, my heart literally skipped a beat and I cried myself to sleep that night. I left it for a few days not wanting to swipe left or right, but 4 days in I realize that it’s his birthday today. I swiped right on midnight and messaged him saying I remembered his birthday. The next morning I wake up and see, “it is and thank you for remembering. We should go out officially now. I have my own place as of next week. I’m very sorry about last time, I realized I kind of fucked up, you’re a keeper and I’m glad I found you again. I’m really sorry I didn’t take you for granted. I really want to be with you.” He asked me if I wanted to take a shot and be together. I told him “ugh you know I can’t say no to you.” I just couldn’t believe that the guy I never thought would come back, came back. And so strongly and intensely too (he was flirty with me before but in a relaxed and reserved way). He finally showed me a side of him that was emotional and vulnerable. He told me that he loved me and that he wanted to build something real. I asked him “where was this side of you before then?” He said, “good question, I’m not sure.” He was very intense (a change from his relaxed, chill attitude from last time), he talked about us being meant to be together, how beautiful our future children would be, moving in. He constantly flattered me and always praised my appearance and told me that I was special and different from the other girls in his past, because “I cared about him unlike the other ones.” He was also very sexual and he would always discuss his sexual desires and get me to send nudes so he could masturbate. He did however say that he’s just speaking his mind and that I don’t have to do anything. He did ask me if I consented. I don’t know why he wanted them because he watches porn daily (particularly milfs which doesn’t match my body type). I welcomed this because he made me feel desirable and helped him carry out his fantasies. He texted me all the time and we had such an amazing connection. He even said that he was willing to drive four hours to pick me up and drop me off to his own place (which he never wanted to do before). The honeymoon phase eventually started to ebb away but he still seemed into it. I made him promise me he wouldn’t change his mind because I didn’t wanna relive the past and he swore he wouldn’t and would do whatever he could to make it work. We never got into arguments the first time but there were a few problems starting to emerge. I got upset with him when he refused to add me on Facebook because according to him I was too nosy and I would ask him too many questions about his past and things he wanted to forget. I was hurt by him not wanting me there and I suspected he had something to hide. He repeatedly denied having something to hide and he said it was because I was too nosy. We argued about this back and forth but he still refused (even though he told me he wanted to make up for last time by giving me “whatever my heart desires”). This act didn’t sit well with me and it started to create resentment for him in me (a feeling I didn’t even know was possible to have with someone I’ve loved this much and have wanted to badly). Another thing I have to mention about him is that he’s had 10 exes (longest one being for a year), slept with 20 girls, and he’s only 24. A part of me felt really flattered that he would choose me above all the others (he told me that I was special and he cared about me a lot because I cared about him unlike the other ones) but the other part of me saw this as being a red flag. I don’t know if it’s unfair or not because he was young and not all the relationships were serious but it made me wonder what the issues were on his end. Another thing that became a huge problem was his refusal to get tested. He told me from the very start that he prefers unprotected sex because of the intimacy and pleasure. I got on the pill for him. One day we started off as any other day (happily and lovingly), I told him that I dreamt of us the night before and we were just so happy in it. He said that was so sweet of me and that he couldn’t wait to see me. He then had to go back to work and I went to go do my own thing. I stumbled across an article on sociopaths in relationships (I was irked by the timing and felt off about things especially with the social media stuff) and it discussed all their habits such as love-bombing, subsequent emotional withdrawal, and instability. I started to wonder if it was all a lie and if I was manipulated this whole time. I became kinda afraid of him and a little worried for myself. I started to secretly resent him (I never thought this possible but I’m proud of myself for achieving such a feeling towards him if that makes sense) but I didn’t wanna break it off because I’ve made good memories with him and am still emotionally attached (which was why I took him back). A couple of hours after the “dream” conversation and reading the article, I decided to test him (we were planning on meeting two days from that point and had been taking for three weeks), I told him that I missed a pill. He immediately texted back saying I needed to set an alarm. I then told him I fell asleep before taking it. I asked him, “are you seriously blaming me for that?” He said, “yeah I am. I wanted to see you but you changed your mind and didn’t take the pill like you were supposed to.” I then proceeded to tell him that I wanted him to get tested or we could have condom sex the first time. He said he would rather wait a month because raw sex was important and it wouldn’t be the same otherwise. I was worried about his refusal to get tested and he got really mad at me for missing the pill and for interfering with our plans so soon before meeting. He told me, “Jesus Christ I’m mad. I wanted to see you but now I’m getting frustrated with you. I was supposed to see you this week, just fucking do it and stop worrying about stupid shit! This stupid shit is keeping us apart. Fucking stupid. That’s why I get annoyed. If you told me this was a concern earlier I would be more understanding.” I told him I was caught up in the excitement of reconnecting after so long and wasn’t thinking of practical matters. He said, “you don’t trust me? I have no diseases or anything, you’re not going to get pregnant, just trust me here please.” I said it was risky to have raw sex right now but we could still meet if he wanted to. He said “okay let’s meet then.” To be fair, he never said we had to have penetrative sex the first time meeting, I was the one who kept that up because I wanted to lose my virginity and I wanted to show him I cared by letting him get something out of driving so much. He then cut the conversation abruptly and told me that he wasn’t going to get tested during coronavirus and risk getting sick. Although, he repeatedly asked me when i was going to figure out the birth control and get on the pill. I was really upset by how I did something for him and he wouldn’t for me. I asked him if he still cared and he said, “I’d care more if you just trusted me and met like how we were originally supposed to.” I told him that it wasn’t safe right now and my dad was sick (this was in mid-March while quarantine started). He said he understood and we’d make it work and we’d find another time to see each other. I asked him when he would get tested and he got really annoyed saying that he was really upset with me cancelling on him and how this stupid shut was keeping us apart (“if you want to be with me then just see me and go with the flow”). I told him that I was willing to wait and that he didn’t want to get tested while coronavirus was a thing and risk getting infected (I can see his side of this so I don’t know if it’s a red flag or not). He was anyway very adamant about not having any stds and he told me had no symptoms and hadn’t had sex in a year. I just let it go in the moment but this along with the Facebook thing resurfaced in a few more arguments. One night after another argument he said that he had to be honest and said that “I dong know if we’re a good match lol because we fight and argue a lot.” I said “yeah we do” and then he said “all i want is for me to see you and you forget the testing and Facebook and all the other bullshit.” I told him we could see each other he said to leave it at that then. I was starting to have doubts but I couldn’t bring myself to end it (I have a habit of clinging onto good memories) but he showed me a side of him that I didn’t know about. I could surmise he was selfish because the way he walked out on me the first time was very cold due to the way he did it. I’m glad he came back because I finally got to confront him about it. He told me that he said all those things to get me off the phone because I was very attached and he had to let go at the time because he couldn’t see a way to make it work without having his own place. It was nonetheless a very selfish thing to do, it negatively impacted my mental health and I constantly thought about how confusing it all was and became obsessed with the situation. Some background knowledge on my ex: he comes from a middle-class white background and grew up in a stable family environment. His parents were married until his mother’s death and I am fairly certain he has a good relationship with his family, however he did say insulting things about his sister in law, how she’s annoying, how he would never want a woman who acts like her, and very selfish. I don’t know what this woman is like so I can’t say if it’s valid or not. I also must mention that he only likes women of colour (brown and Asian girls not black women). He always praised my facial features like full lips, brown eyes, and light brown skin tone. I asked him why and he said it’s probably because of interracial porn or that he doesn’t like women who look like his blonde blue eyed mom. He has a university degree and a stable job and now his own place. I’ve talked to a few people who knew him as friends and they all said he was quiet and a friendly guy. However, he was always very bold and talkative with me in our FaceTime conversations. I’ve asked him more than once if he is bipolar and he has always denied this. He always got really upset whenever I brought up what happened last summer and he said that we can’t talk about it constantly or else he can’t do this. He also said that he can’t give me an answer I want anyway because he can’t remember what happened, yet he remembers random details like how I like wearing jeans?! He’s also slept with 20 women and has had ten ex-girlfriends, mostly having unprotected sex and he does not get tested after every new partner. He hates using condoms because he says that he doesn’t enjoy sex with them and they break on him because he can last up to an hour. He is intelligent, eloquent, well-spoken and has studied criminology in university and hopes to become a police officer. He should probably be familiar with personality disorders then. Do people like this know they have a problem? Another random thing is he told me how a video game storyline (red dead redemption 2) made him cry and think about life afterwards. It’s just so strange to me picturing this man cry, so I guess he isn’t afraid of feeling his emotions. Another thing that doesn’t sit well with me at all but I could be overanalyzing, I did some research and I found his mother’s obituary she passed away on March 22nd, on March 27th he uploads a selfie (in which he is wearing a tux so I’m assuming is for the funeral) smiling with the caption “rip momma.” I thought this was a really strange thing to do, if this happened to me I would certainly never post a picture of just myself. He also used this picture as a profile picture for many years and on his tinder and bumble profiles. Why would he do this? One day (I guess I just finally had a breaking point because of thinking about all the old and new emotional baggage) and I texted him saying that his refusal to get tested was a serious problem for me and that if he didn’t want to get tested he could go find someone else who would have raw sex with him no questions asked because it wouldn’t be me. He texts back two hours later saying “alright that’s what I’ll do then. Take care.” Immediately after he responded waves of regret began to wash over me and I told him I changed my mind and I didn’t want him to leave and I really wanted to see him in person and not repeat last time. He agreed and said that “as long as you don’t bring up the Facebook or testing again.” I wasn’t happy about this but resigned because I didn’t want him to leave. The next day he texts me making small talk (our usual) I’m still very resentful of what went down the night before but didn’t want to bring up the testing or Facebook for fear of pushing him away again so I involuntarily unleashed my frustration and anger towards him in other ways. We started off talking about shows and our day but we eventually started to veer off topic to language and politics. He gets really mad at me for calling him sexist and objectifying me. He then very rashly says “I will block your number. I don’t think we should be together anymore. We never have good conversations.” I told him that I was shocked he would say this as we’ve had great times too. He told me that from now on we shouldn’t text as he gets very bad vibes from texting. I told him I wanted us to go back to normal. He said that everything can only be in person or FaceTiming. Our conversations become less and less frequent and he refuses to FaceTime as he keeps telling me that he’s busy and too tired all the time all of a sudden. Naturally I become suspicious and find out that he’s rejoined tinder from one of my friends. He stops initiating any texts with me and I became really sad. I decided not to confront him through text about it because it would be better to do it in person. One day I just couldn’t take his silence and asked him what’s wrong, he said nothing’s wrong and he just needed space right now. I try to resolve our issues with him but he tells me he doesn’t want to talk. So I just leave it and become more resentful for being lied to. One day after like two weeks of not talking I ask him if he wants to FaceTime tomorrow afternoon he says, “okay I will try, I promise.” I text him the next day at the time we agreed to talk and he texts back hours later saying “sorry I took a nap lol.” I send him paragraph after paragraph on how he’s hurting me with his neglect and that we can fix things as long as he puts in the effort. He doesn’t respond and two hours later he texts me a paragraph saying that this wouldn’t work anymore, he doesn’t think were a good fit, he’s just not feeling it anymore, and how he’s kinda been talking to someone else lately too and he doesn’t want to lie to me. He also says the reasons it didn’t work the first time (with the distance) are coming back to him now. This is what angered me he promised me that if I took him back we wouldn’t go through that again. But I wasn’t gonna let him off the hook that easy this time, not after all his grandiose promises. I beg him to reconsider and to see me in person before writing it off. He reluctantly agrees but still doesn’t initiate conversation anymore. I just gave him space after that outburst for a few weeks until a few days ago where I texted him calmly about our problems. He responds saying that his only problem is that I sometimes overwhelm him with messages and often asking the same questions. I ask him to promise me to try and meet in person before my birthday in four weeks. He says he’ll try but it could be difficult with the quarantine. I ask him about the other girls and he says he’d rather communicate these things in person and not through text. I’m honestly not even jealous or mad about this, only sad. I used to feel so jealous of the thought of all the girls who were with him or will be with him but now I don’t. I guess this means something as I’m not resentful in that respect, but I don’t understand why I feel jealous. Is it not even because I’m moving on but I’ve been conditioned by him to be used to bad treatment? One day I messaged a girl he was mutuals with on social media asking her if she could show me his following list and send me screenshots because I was hoping to find answers through other girls he may have talked to as he never gave me any. I wanted to know if he talked to them the same way he talked to me. The girl told him about what I did and he got very angry, he told me that he doesn’t care anymore, wants nothing to do with me, that it was very creepy and intrusive and that he’s done. He said coming back was a mistake and that he wishes the best for me and he’s sorry if he hurt me in the process. He said that he’s with someone else now and has been seeing them for a few weeks (I don’t think this is true not because I don’t want to believe it but because I saw him on tinder the same night this happened, I have a strong feeling he said this so I would let go like how he told me he wasn’t interested in me anymore last time). But either way all that matters is he doesn’t want me anymore. He said he’s pissed at me and this is the last straw. He said I’m annoying as shit, creepy, super clingy and we need to move on. He blocked me. Did I mess up by contacting her? What would’ve happened if I hadn’t and we met in person? I’m regretting what I did because now I have to live with what ifs. However, I do know he treated me unkindly and I let him for those few moments of temporary happiness. I know deep down we have too much bad blood to have a future together now. He’s so unstable. He broke his promises. He told me I was special and different from all the others in the past. He showed me a lot of sincerity and vulnerability when he came back and I believed him. It’s hard to move on when this is the first person I had feelings for and he treated me like this. What do I do with the memories? The good ones and the bad. At this point I don’t know which is more painful. I’m grateful that I never lost my virginity to this guy and never got into a real relationship with him because if he walked out on me after that I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with it. I wrote him a letter for closure, is it wise to send it? At the same time I want to to help me move on and at the same time I don’t because I don’t want to close this door forever. I don’t want to be with him, he doesn’t want me but I also don’t want to not be with him and I keep wishing that we met in another life, another time, another place, where we could be happy. I’m worried I’ll never be truly loved and that I’ll never truly love again. I really did love him selflessly and unconditionally. But he didn’t. I knew I cared more than he did but still I kept on letting him in because I hoped he would properly fall in love with me too. What hurts is how he told me how happy he was to find me again, how it was destiny, how he was hoping that we were meant to be together, he was so crazy about me in the beginning and yet he still had no problem hurting me. I don’t understand how people change their minds, how their feelings change so quickly. I wish I could move on as easily as he could. But I know I’ll have to. I just don’t know how or when. Will someone like him ever truly love anyone? I wonder if he’s ever experienced proper heartbreak before,the kind where you feel as if your heart has been ripped from your chest and miss them beyond belief. That’s how I felt the first time he left. The second time, I had my doubts too, about his character, about his past, the fact he had so many exes, and how disrespectful he was to me before. I tried my best to look past it because I didn’t want to leave someone I loved so much and felt so connected to. I’m worried he’ll always be a part of me, that I’ll always look for his shadows in other guys. He said he was committed and because we had a few fights about him not adding me and getting tested, he started believing we were incompatible. Looking back, he didn’t care about a special bond or connection, he just wanted someone who would be agreeable and fulfil all his demands. These ‘connections’ are disposable to him. It’s just hard to accept that this time it’s finally over. Or it may not be because of his track record. Why are some guys are like this? Does he have mental health issues? I always suspected it. Or is he just too broken to love? Or is he not capable of it in the first place? Do people like him even feel guilty about it? Do you think he’ll feel regret for losing someone who truly loved him? He did last time. What will happen in his future relationships? Is a guy like this ever capable of lifelong love? How do I move on? The first time he left all I did was cry for weeks reminiscing about the good times, the sweet things he said, the connection we had. This time I feel numb and in shock. I can’t think properly. I feel like a part of my brain is in shock. I don’t know what to do and I worry about him being my only soulmate because I’ve never felt this way before and worry I won’t again for anyone. I’ve tried dating other perfectly acceptable nice, funny, attractive (better than him on paper) guys but no one compared to the connection I had with him. Do I just have Stockholm syndrome? Am I just a love-bombed woman? I don’t think he was lying to me about his feelings, I think it was real in the moment but I slowly pushed him away because of my emotional baggage (which he caused anyway). But the fact that he was able to throw away something meaningful over such little things just shows that it never meant much to him. How do I reconcile what my brain understands and what my heart feels? How do I get over this? Being betrayed so deeply? Having promises that he was here to stay, that he just wants to love me and make me happy, that he’s committed completely broken? How will I deal with the trust issues that come from this? Is it really true that people always remember their first love, even if it was toxic and ended badly? Will I truly move on? Should I send him the letter for closure? Or is there some way I can find it on my own? How will I know when I have moved on? This is what I wrote in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. I had a complete breakdown and honestly went insane for a bit. That feeling dissipated pretty quickly this time surprisingly enough, and I was normal (although sad and angry) after like two weeks. On May 31st in the evening (5 days after my birthday and three weeks after our breakup) he messages me the most tone-deaf delusional thing ever. I honestly wonder if he’s trying to trick me or something because it’s so ridiculous, it can’t be serious, right? I wish I could understand his depraved, narcissistic brain. He wrote, “Hey, Which of the people associated with me on Facebook and Instagram did you message about me? Please for my own sake of mind let me know as some of them are ignoring me or not responding to me now I just want to know. Thank you” (I must note that he left out the period at the end and his word choice was very repetitive, I feel like with him I need to psychoanalyze every little thing). I don’t understand why he would send me this, what could be the meaning of this? What reaction could he be hoping for? I know for a fact that the girls I messaged about him don’t talk to him because they told me this. I also know that he didn’t “find someone else” when we broke up. I know that he wasn’t with someone else when he sent me that, but I know that he was looking for a replacement online. I’m not sure how to respond, it’s been four months since I ghosted him and now that he’s kept me unblocked, I don’t know if I should use this opportunity to get the last word in and tell him how awful he is. I am past the stage of being sad and wanting him back. I never felt jealous interestingly enough and I actually feel sorry for the next woman who he will mistreat. I do however want revenge and I want to make him suffer as he made me suffer. Please help me analyze my mental state and his mind and behaviour. I have never felt more alone and empty.
2020.09.18 21:30 SEC_CoupleAre we intimidating or just doing this thing wrong?
I am M  and my wife  have been in the LS for just over 2 years. We are educated and have some success in our careers. We both come from some very humble backgrounds but have worked our tails off for all the things we have and the strength of our marriage. We seem to struggle with online meeting but we don’t give up. Meeting in person is much better for us however. We are humbled with everything we have yet we are very grounded and down to earth. We are witty and humorous and love to put jeans on or shorts and go to Applebee’s or a sports bar. My wife literally buys all of her clothes from the goodwill or a thrift store. Here comes the issue. We love to host because it usually is convenient for everyone, especially those with kids. When we do, we make sure we have refreshments, finger foods, drinks, and anything else that makes our partners comfortable and relaxed. If we host at a hotel, we get a suite for comfort. But we make sure that we have snacks, drinks, fruit, and everything else. We don’t consider this going above and beyond, we do it for ourselves as much as it is for our play partners. These things dates are not just sex. However, after we invite people to our house or host at a hotel, people fade off. We finally got a couple to give us some feedback and they said “you guys are out of our league”. That comment hurt because we are everyday nothing special people. However, I am not nor will not be embarrassed about our house or how we host. We built this house for the purposes of entertaining. My question is, is this a real thing in the LS? Are we just doing this thing wrong? We stopped inviting people to our house for that purpose. We don’t pick the restaurants anymore (a date told us they felt like an imposter in a restaurant we picked once). We are an average looking interracial couple. Any feedback, suggestions, or experiences with this is greatly appreciated.
2020.09.18 20:43 Kujo17What is "Patriotic Education "? In response to the impending executive order from trump Jeff Sharlet breaks down what people can expect, and highlights why this is something every American needs to be aware of. To say it's a chilling read, in my opinion , is an understatement.
Jeff Sharlet is a published author, and this post was originally a Twitter thread made by him, the original link can be found here and was converted via ThreadReaderApp- hence the formatting and spelling choices. . <<<><<<><<<><<<><<<><<<><<<>><<<<<<><<<><<<><<<>>>> . "Patriotic education" is Stephen Miller's fascism + Mike Pence's fundamentalism. Some years ago, I took a course in "patriotic education" for my book THE FAMILY. I spent a season reading its textbooks & talking to its teachers. Here's what to expect... A thread. . It'd be cliché to quote Orwell were it not for the fact that fundamentalist intellectuals do so w/ such frequency. At a rally to expose the “myth” of church/state separation Orwell was quoted at me 4 times: "Those who control the past control the future." 2/ . 1st time I heard Orwell quoted at a patriotic education rally was from William Federer, author of America's God & Country, which then had sold 1/2 mil copies--cherry picked, distorted, & fabricated quotes for students "proving" U.S. founded as Christian nation... 3/ . "Patriotic educators" teach that Jefferson's wall of separation between church & state is misunderstood. It was meant as a "one-way wall," Federer claimed, to protect church from state, not the other way around.4/ . The first pillar of American fundamentalism is Jesus; the second is history, and in the fundamentalist mind the two are converging. We heard that at the White House "History" conference, the notion we need more Christ in our schools, that our past is Christian... 5/ . "Patriotic education" is a fundamentalist concept. Just as fundamentalist religion supposes that divine truths are literal & determined by (white male) authority, so fundamentalist history discards the ongoing work of knowing the past. 6/ . "Patriotic education" proposes, as did the White House conference, that the Constitution is divine, "god-breathed," as some say, & thus impervious to expanding ideas of rights. That's the religion behind Clarence Thomas' constitutional "originalism." It's false.7/ . Textbooks already written for "patriotic education"--those used in Christian nationalist schooling--emphasize Northwest Ordinance of 1787, which declared “religion” necessary to “good government” & thus to be encouraged through schools. This is cherry picking. 8/ . The Christian nationalists aren't wrong that Protestantism was a central part of education for much of U.S. history. It wasn't until the 1930s that public ed veered away from biblical schooling. Because the 1st amendment. Because liberty of conscience. 9/ . When I began reading the Christian nationalist school curriculum over a decade ago, it was already being taught to more than 10% of U.S. kids. That number has grown, a lot. It's big enough now to make a bid for control of least some public schools. 10/ . The modern Christian Right--without which there would be no Trumpism--began not in national politics but on school boards. Those elections matters. The Right knows that. Those dismissing "patriotic education" as 2020 tactic are themselves ignoring history... 11/ . A popular jr. high "patriotic education" textbook begins: "“Who, knowing the facts of our history, can doubt that the U.S has been a thought in the mind of God from all eternity?” Trump, ystrdy: "the fulfillment of a thousand years of Western civilization." 12/ . That's from a textbook called "The American Republic for Christian Schools," published by Bob Jones University Press, a major Christian nationalist education publisher. You may remember Bob Jones as the fundamentalist school that banned interracial dating until 2000. 13/ . Emphasis at White House history confab on private property. Here's a Christian nationalist high school econ textbook: “One must never come to see... free market as an end in itself. [It] merely sets the stage for an unhindered propagation of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” 14/ . "Patriotic education" likely wldn't exist w/out a man named Rousas John Rushdoony--the most radical Christian nationalist & "biblical capitalist" you never heard of. He thought of himself first & foremost as a historian, "correcting" secular, socialist education. 15/ . Rushdoony taught the modern pioneers of Christian nationalist ed to teach "providential history," such as the “Protestant Wind” with which it says God helped British defeat Spanish Armada so that the New World would not be overly settled by agents of the Vatican. 16/ . Rushdoony also established as bedrock Christian nationalist history idea that secular democracy is defiance of God--that real democracy means submitting to God's will as expressed by his "chosen one," the strongmen He puts in power. Sound familiar? 17/ . "History is God's working in man," the director of a popular Christian nationalist education publisher told me. In fact, he preferred to call U.S. history "heritage studies." Trump loves that word, "heritage," too. (Maybe it has something to do w/ the $413 mil he inherited?) 18/ . "Heritage studies," or "patriotic education," is a cult of personality. History matters not for its progression of “fact, fact, fact,” Michael McHugh, a pioneer of modern Christian nationalist ed, told me, but for “key personalities.” It's the strongman view of the past. 19/ . Trump ystrdy spoke of history as an "unstoppable chain of events"--culminating in him. This isn't a '20 campaign tactic. He's been talking "history" more & more for over a year, chipping away at Rushmore's remaining raw granite to add his name, his "key personality." 20/ . Trump doesn't need to know the particulars of Christian nationalist "history" to make it point to him. He surely doesn't know John Witherspoon, the only pastor to sign the declaration, from whom Christian nationalists derive a kind of "democratic" divine right to rule. 21/ . Another "key man" already established in the Christian nationalist schooling that's the basis for "patriotic education" is Trump's fave general, MacArthur--fired by Truman for almost sparking WW III. That's who "patriotic ed" wants our boys to be. 22/ . If "patriotic education" wants our boys to be "violent men [who] take it by force," as a popular Christian nationalist Bible verse puts it (Matthew 11:12), what does it dream for girls? That they be subject to what Christian nationalists--& Stephen Miller--dub "chivalry." 23/ . Another "key man" in "patriotic education" is Sgt. Alvin York, a WW I hero repurposed by Christian nationalism as the greatest Christian sniper in U.S. history. "God uses ordinary people," teaches the lesson. Reminds me of a popular Trump t-shirt I saw reporting ralies... 24/ . "Patriotic education" proposes he greatest "key men"--Washington, Lincoln, &, now, Trump--as divine. Popular Christian nationalist art often depicts them attended by a ghostly Christ or angels; & texts offer "proofs" of their chosen-ness. This is also known as "fascism." 25/ . During Iraq War, Christian nationalists erected 100s of billboards depicting a U.S. soldier backed by a ghostly Washington. Now it's cops, heroes in nationalist imagination of a new war, backed by angels & patriotic ghosts. 26/ . As w/ Texas state legislator other day, "patriotic education" repackages defeats--the Alamo--as victories & men who renounced U.S.--Confed. generals--as American heroes. "America" in nationalist imagination isn't united; it's "red states," it's whatever strongmen say it is. 26/ . "Patriotic education" has always meant preparing for war as a lens through which to view world, whether the Civil War then or a prospective one now. "Boys, are you ready for warfare?" asks one homeschooling video, "Putting on the Whole Armor of God." 27/ . Such terms come straight outta R.J. Rushdoony. Christian nationalist apologists, "responsible" conservatives, insist Rushdoony was fringe. & yet he was in many ways father of 2 major ideas: Christian homeschooling, & "providential history"--aka modern "patriotic education." 28/ . This gets wonky: Rushdoony in turn studied a turn-of-the-century Dutch theologian Abraham Kuyper. Kuyper was complex--but 1st Rushdoony, then Watergate felon Chuck Colson, & now today's Christian nationalists--twist his thought into a proof for nationalist education. 29/ . They take Kuyper's idea of "presuppositionalism"--in essence, subjectivity--as proof that neutral governance is impossible. Then they declare that subjectivity an objective "fact" to conclude that govt can only be for God or against him. Trump on Biden: "against God!" 30/ . Even tho he was an anti-Catholic Christian nationalist, modern "patriotic ed" pioneer Rushdoony loved JFK's rhetoric for its framing of U.S. as a redeemer nation (JFK: "God's work must be our own.") So, too, QAnon now cherry picks JFK for prophetic proof of Trump's glory. 31/ . A big part of my course in "patriotic education," like Christian nationalist education in general, was consumed by Stonewall Jackson--who got more ink in U.S. History For Christian Schools textbook than even Lee, much less Grant (forget all about Douglass).32/ . A nationalist magazine called Practical Homeschooling used to (& may still) offer instructions for Stonewall Jackson costumes in honor of his birthday. A text called Stonewall Jackson: The Black Man's Friend is--well, hell, do I need to explain how f'd up that is? 33/ . What's up w/ Stonewall Jackson & Christian nationalist education? The modern version partly began w/ him, when Rushdoony discovered a forgotten bio that framed him as fighting NOT for slavery, or the South, but the supposedly Christian ideals of the founders. 34/ . Within "patriotic education," Confederate generals like Stonewall Jackson aren't the traitors they objectively were, they're men who transcended partisanship in the service of Christian ideals. Christian nationalists do denounce slavery, too. Lotta cognitive dissonance. 35/ . "Cognitive dissonance" is maybe a good place to pause this thread on Christian nationalist roots of Trump's "patriotic education" initiative. My 6th grader's remote classes are over; time for homeschooling. We won't be studying Stonewall Jackson. 37/
2020.09.16 02:03 closetedlesbiangirlHave you been in an interracial relationship and would you be in one?
As a latebloomerlesbian of south asian origin i wonder if there are many interracial lesbian relationships. Ive been on dating apps and i don't want to say its based on race but i notice i don't get many swipes and friend requests as i send out.If you are in such a relationship would you make your partner feel special and beautiful even though she doesn't fit the mainstream idea of beauty and probably faces multiple levels of marginalisation. I think both partners should do that for each other.i have a white fwb she tries to show she is into me and likes our contrasting colours when we lie side by side. Sometimes i just feel like im an exotic sex toy even though she probably doesn't intend that. Sometimes when i ask her if we can do something special or if she could do something special for me she calls me needy. Is romance and sensuality something that is not desired anymore in today's world? I like to do special things for her and buy her things. I work in the medical field so i help her with medications, appointments and i also help her friends. Somehow things seem off balance. She also helps me when i need help with fixing things. I don't want to leave her at the moment as she is the first person ive been completely sexual with and im in my 30s. I have this connection with her and her kids. I want to be there for her but i worry in the end she may get bored and leave me. Which is fine that's upto her. Ive just been conditioned with this view that if you care/love for someone you're there for them during tough times as well as good times. Sometimes she is present with me and does special things other times she prioritises her friends, interests over me even if ive driven many hours to visit her. Ive had to move few hrs away for work. Isnt a partner meant to want to spend time with you if you come to visit them from far? especially if she has got things for u and the kids. rather then do all their errands and have time for you in the middle of the night.i wish she would engage more in issues affecting me like with family/cultural issues, be out about us and give this relationship another label and be a safe place where i can vent. Maybe i expect too much. I like women of all background especially caucasian girls but i feel like its a one-sided love and not mutual at times. It sometimes sucks being a double minority who discovered herself late in life. She too is a latebloomer lesbian previously in relationships with men. For me she is my second relationship and first non long distance one. Guess im just looking for tips to help me getting her to understand me and maybe have some more initiative.
2020.09.15 17:39 squeakanonymouseI (30f) feel like my relationship of almost two years with (m30) is coming to an end but neither of us are ready to let go yet
This is a long story so thank you for reading. I'm also doing a voice to text type of thing on my phone so please excuse any typos or confusions. I love my partner of almost two years and he loves me. We live together and he moved several states away from home to join me in my dream city but he doesn't like it here. We've been living here for a year - he has made a couple friends but not many and the city we live in now doesn't have a big dance scene, which is what he is really into. He is a pretty good partner, and I think that our relationship in general is good but there's some issues that I think are pretty big that I don't think we can get past. But to continue with the good stuff first, he is really great with my cats, when we have discussions about cleaning the house or my boundaries, he really listens and steps up. Right now I'm in grad school and he's not working, so he's been doing a bit more cleaning and trying to support me in that kind of way. He's not very emotionally intelligent or just .. not emotional in general, so he makes up for it in doing nice things; doing things that will make things easier for me. Anyway, he is very loyal and trustworthy, he's funny and has a great smile. I love how his smile is so big and his eyes crinkle up. We used to have really good communication up until a few months ago, which I will talk about in a paragraph below. Some of the things that I love about him are things that I really respect in him and wish that I had within myself, like how passionate he gets about his hobbies and how he's willing and able to learn and teach himself to do almost anything. Also, he really thinks that all of our issues can be fixed and he wants to work on them. The biggest issues: 1) we are an interracial couple in America. Im white and he's black. We have both dated outside of our races before this relationship. I know that every relationship is different, but every interracial relationship that I've had, of course race has played a role but it didn't dominate the relationship. Honestly it's pretty hard to explain. As a black man, he worries about his life on a day to day basis. We have a lot of really in-depth conversations about race and his blackness. He says frequently how he'd never been in a relationship that he could be vulnerable and really talk about these things until us. Every other person he was ever with would either dismiss him or just not want to talk about it or get really defensive. I have a lot of education on race relations, plus I make sure to educate myself often on my own. Most of my friends in general are not white so we talk a lot about race and human rights and microaggressions and all that. Sometimes when we have arguments though, I feel like he is villainizing my whiteness. I'm the type of person who admits when I'm wrong, always trying to learn more and will acknowledge any microaggressions or anything that I might have that I don't even know I have. He has gotten frustrated with me because I'm not more outspoken when it comes to race stuff. But I'm just not a very outspoken person. I'm quiet and I like peace. I express my support in quieter ways. If I go to a protest, I will be in the crowd but I'm not the type of person who will Step up to the front. Maybe that's cowardice, but I'm just a subtle person. One time we were arguing about how I didn't feel like he was doing enough around the house, this is when he had no job and I was working two jobs. I was saying that to even out the relationship I would like him to clean more and during that argument he said that I make him feel like an indentured servant. He didn't say slave, but it was the implied. It was very hard. The issue was eventually resolved and he definitely contributes a lot now, but it's this idea that he was kind of using racialized language against me to suit him. 2) Besides my racial privilege, I also come from a weird financial situation. Basically my parents make no money and I grew up with the anxiety that we will run out of money, but at the same time my grandparents set up a smallish trust fund for me,and with that I was able to buy a house and still have a little bit of a cushion. I'm definitely not a millionaire and I live in the south so it's not like this house cost $200,000 or anything more, but I totally acknowledge that I'm very privileged financially and lucky to have no debt. Besides my house, my education, and my car, I have worked for everything I have. I survive off of my paychecks. I've worked multiple jobs at the same time, I've worked 14-hour days, I've done a lot so that I would be generally financially independent. Part of my financial privilege is that I've worked a lot of jobs that don't pay a lot of money but have not needed to struggle financially. My boyfriend comes from a background where he had been homeless once and his family has always struggled financially. I think he thinks that he will never be able to get out of that poverty cycle. When we lived in his home city, the city we met in, he worked very hard but had a job that he didn't like. But he at least got paid decently for it so I guess it was worth it for him. When he moved down to the city that we are in now, it took him a while to get a job and it was a big point of contention. He is very stubborn and prideful, and will only consider taking certain jobs if they pay enough. We live in a city that doesn't pay well for any job, and he also doesn't have a driver's license, doesn't have a car, doesn't have a bachelor's degree, etc. Which are fine except it narrows his options and usually the options he has are either labor jobs which he doesn't want or other shitty jobs that he doesn't think is worth it. So he would rather be homeless than get just any job. For me, I would work any job, no matter what it was and how much it paid to not be homeless. Please reread those last two sentences. He oftentimes says that I'm not owning my privilege or basically just throws in my face how I never had to struggle, so I don't understand him. So that's really fun. But anyway, during the pandemic he lost his job that he didn't like anyway, and has been living off of unemployment. He does some video editing and some side gigs that give him a little bit of extra money but it's not enough to really live off of. The amount of unemployment that this state gives us is very minimal and will probably run out soon. In my house instead of paying me rent, he pays the utilities and we split groceries and other household stuff. A lot of times I will pay maybe 2/3 of the groceries, so that it takes off some financial burden from him. But it's just the fact that he is so picky with jobs when, not to sound terrible, but beggars can't be choosers. It makes me worry about any type of future with him. 3) for the past 6 months we've been living with a crazy person. I've made some posts about it in the past (not all on this account). She actually ended up moving out a week ago and it has taken a lot of stress off of both of us. He really hated her and she hated him. I was in the middle but she also was verbally abusing us, doing all types of passive aggressive stuff, rude, disrespectful, enjoyed talking and arguments instead of conversations, and acted like a child (she's 55) but would patronize me by calling me a little girl when she was angry. I have videos of her moving and touching our stuff, screaming at us and calling us all kinds of terrible things, damaging my house. She really is a psychopath. Honestly I don't really want to go into it much more here, but it was a huge challenge and really strained my relationship. I ended up going back to therapy because of how much anxiety I was having. during the time of her moving out, we had to call the cops on her because she was stealing some of my stuff. And now that she's out I have to get a restraining order from her because she has gone on to my property a few times even though she doesn't live here anymore. And the cops have done nothing. Super unhelpful. During these five and a half months, boyfriend and I were arguing a lot about little things and some big things. as I mentioned in the first paragraph, we used to have a good communication but from both of us just being so stressed and depressed and angry about our living situation, our quality of communication has suffered. Basically before, we had disagreements and conversations, and after we have arguments, a little bit of yelling but not a ton. Never anything physical. 4) If he can't find a job in the city we live in, he has talked about moving back home. He wants to do a long distance relationship but I don't think I want to because he would be in his home city for an indefinite amount of time. And I lived in that city for three years and it was the most depressing three years of my life. I really hated living there And although it's a great place to be a tourist, I would never want to live there again. So anyway, these are really big things and I truly believe that the relationship is coming to its end but he doesn't want to give up. each time we have a disagreement or an argument he's always like well relationships have arguments, every relationship does. But I just think these things are too big. Just incompatibilities. But I love him and he loves me a lot too. In general, I like our life together. I've never been in a relationship where I felt so sure or secure about someone. We do so much for each other. I don't actually want to break up but I know this isn't working anymore. It sucks. He knows I'm unhappy about us.I also never broken up with anyone before. I mean, I've ended casual things but I've never ended any serious relationship. And I just can't stand the idea of us breaking up and him leaving. Tldr: a few big incompatibilities between boyfriend and I. I should end it but I don't want to. And he doesn't want it to be over either.
Given how race is a touchy subject that invites its fair share of trolls and toxic people, I have put forth rules unique to this sub. Some rules are universal, others are unique to this sub. I want to differentiate between the two types of rules. So far the rules are a work in progress but there are some I have in place so far. Universal rules. So the basic rules that apply to most reddit subs apply here. Don't harass people, don't start fights, don't be an ass, don't spam, don't do illegal shit, don't promote your crap from another site if you haven't even proven yourself on here, and don't be a shitty person overall. Once again, use common sense here. In terms of anything going to shit and arguments starting, I will always track down the person who started it and ban them. Sub specific rules There are rules specific to this very sub that I wanted to bring to your attention, breaking these unique rules will get you banned. Race whiners will be banned without mercy. I have seen the toxic content that fills up race related subs from guys claiming how it is impossible to get laid because of their race and how the world is heavily stacked against them. These guys talk about how racist and horrible women are, we do not tolerate that here. Now I do know that with race, it isn't always going to be an optimistic discussion. If the content you have to share is a bit more on the pessimistic end, offer your valuable takeaway and what should be done instead. Here is an example of what not to do: ZOMG Indian men are fucked man, women hate us and we are going to all die virgins. We can only get laid through arranged marriage and by the ugliest of women out there with no standards. The world and everything is stacked against us. Women hate all Indians and see them as pests, we are fucked! We have to be a zillion times better than the average white guy. <---- This guy is going to get banned Here is an example of what to do: As an Indian guy in Toronto, it is tough out here. There is prejudice against us here and it isn't the most promising city to date interracially if you are Indian. I have been blown out and told by women that I am not their type while my white friends do not have the same roadblocks. What I have done is gone more for Indian women who don't discriminate against me as much and women from outside of Toronto. If you are brown, you have to adapt your game plan in Toronto because there is discrimination against us here, I have however done a lot better in Vancouver and more rural parts of Canada. <-- Not the best of news but notice how he delivers his post. No sex shaming. This is by and large a sub meant for ethnic men to discuss dating and getting laid, if you start shaming, you will be banned. If you have an issue with what this sub is about, there are plenty of other subs more up your alley. This sub is almost exclusively about dating and pursuing casual sex as an ethnic guy, most other content will not be allowed on here since there is plenty of space throughout reddit for it. "OMG is that all you guys talk about? Sex? There is more to life than pussy ya know." <---- (gets banned) If you have an issue with men talking about sex and chasing women, don't go to places dedicated to that very thing. Do not bash men for their preference. I don't care if you like white women, black women, Asian women, or brown women; you are allowed to have your preference. If I see you calling someone a "white worshiper" because they happen to exclusively like white women, I won't tolerate that. Same goes for a guy exclusively liking any race, that is his preference and not yours. If you have an issue with men liking the kinds of women they do because of some personal politics of yours, you don't belong on this sub and if you stick around for long enough with that attitude, I'll make sure you are gone. If you happen to have an issue with most posts being about chasing women of a certain background, create good content of your own. If it is worth the discussion, people will naturally gravitate towards it. Consistently negative people will be banned. If you are consistently hateful and negative, you will be banned. As the saying goes, you can die from another man's poison. Toxic posters, if allowed to stick around long enough, poison an entire community. If I see a trend like that for you, you will get a warning at best if I am feeling nice. If you do not clean up your act, a ban will come. Same goes for posters that are always starting fights and becoming a problem.
2020.09.13 11:07 simmonsnationHow do I approach women with mexican backgrounds
I understand I need to be myself, but I been reading alot of reddit posts about interracial dating and one thing that stood out to me is how women don't like being fetishized. I'm not that kind of guy and I don't want to come across as that person. I'm African American and women with mexican backgrounds is a huge sexual fantasy for us (not generalizing just making a point)... (I want to refrain from categorizing them as "latinas" or "Mexican women"). I'm attracted to the women and the Mexican culture and lately I've been learning alot about the culture and learning the language (I practice about 3 days a week for 2 hours a session) . All that in a nut shell to ask, if I ever come across a woman I'm attracted to and hypothetically speaking I want to take her out on a date, what would be the appropriate way to approach her, how would I start the conversation, I'm asking to be prepared in case a situation like this come up and I don't get cold feet. Also I don't want to approach a lady and she red flags me because she thinks I'm trying to sexualize her. All point of views welcomed... Also as a kicker what would be your version of a perfect date ?(asking for fun)
Hello everyone :) I'm looking for a serious partner with eventual marriage or long term partnership in mind. I am a teacher at the moment but will be going back for a masters within the next two years. I am 5'1, dreadlocks to my midback, no tattoos. I've been described as a 'mini amazon' so if that body type appeals to you, I am yours. Its hard to describe because I'm sure some would think I'm chubby, other people think I'm muscular so 🤷🏿♀️. I've had 2 long term serious relationships that all ended amicably. I have lots of interests. I collect vinyl from all over the world, I love 60s folk and prog metal. I like to read scifi or period classics (downloaded Hyperion and am currently reading Hugh Howeys Silo series). I like to hike-I'm not great at it but I want to eventually hike the PCT or AT someday. I like to dabble in activities like bjj, rock climbing, and weight training. I play videogames (currently playing Zelda but am also doing a ff9 replay) but I am looking for another 'filthy casual' gamer. It doesnt take up my whole life and I want someone who can balance that hobby with others. My favorite movies are horror and period romance. I love cooking too! Its very peaceful to me. Podcasts are my jam (I love paranormal/true crime stuff. Last Podcast On The Left anyone?) Politically, I am center left so another moderate person would be great. I could hypothetically date a republican but NOT a Trump supporter. Also, I would prefer someone who has dated interracially before if you are non-black. I am a very affectionate person. Not clingy as I like my space but I like to rub and cuddle. Also, I like sex (in a monogamous relationship) and am very giving. You should be too _. I eventually want to start an organic farm and am looking into the concept of minimalism. Also am planning to change to eating meat only once or twice a week. Possible dealbreakers for you: I have a dysfunctional family I am estranged from them. I am agnostic. I currently live outside the U.S and am open to anyone. Would move for the right man. I am based out of AZ and will return. I'm not an 'sjw' but I wont tolerate racist meanspirited jokes. I am 420/mushrooms/DMT friendly No sex before exclusivity. Kissing is fine :). This is because I fall in love easily after sex. Dont want to be hurt. Cat person here. I am air headed and ditzy at times but I swear I'm not stupid! I am into monogamy but I am also open to occasionally inviting other people to play with. I am black. Requirements for me: Childfree (obvs) Employed Likes to be clean/organized I love gentle, kind, and sincere men. I am a gentle soul as well so even yelling gives me anxiety. Taller the better. Someone into outside activities. Into music and concerts a plus. No felons. I am averse to bad boys.
1 requirement- BE SINGLE. Not separated. Not taking a break. Truly free.
A pic will get a pic but I will only send through snapchat. Dm for details. I just want a guy whose sweet, patient, gentlemanly, employed and educated, not racist, has hobbies, wants to eat clean, dresses decent, wants to travel sometimes, likes good tunes, smokes a doobie every now and then, go camping, is loyal and honest, and wants to get kinky and fuck me hard once in a while. Most importantly is childfree. Is that too much to ask for!!?? Edit: Please dont forget to send pictures. If you're not comfortable, you can blur out parts you dont want exposed.
2020.09.11 18:18 throwaway437282Sometimes I feel that white supremacists don’t want black people to have a “strong black family”. How do I reconcile this with growing up and living in a majority white country?
First off I apologise for this very sensitive and charged question, I just want to have honest advice and dialogue I have no problem with white people whatsoever, I have had very good childhood white friends and I personally have dated white girls too However now when it concerns something as serious as marriage, I feel so much pressure to choose the “right” mate. And since half of my family is black and I am black passing despite being biracial (half black, half brown). I feel a lot of pressure to marry a black woman, despite being also attracted to white women and living in a majority white country? Even if I married a black woman, my family would prefer if I had an arranged marriage to a woman from my tribe? As they want to preserve their tribe because they experienced a genocide in their home country because of being dark skinned. Which was perpetrated by more lighter skinned and mixed people This is why it is seen as me betraying my tribe if I marry outside of it? It’s the genocide my tribe experienced that makes it hard for me if I end up in an interracial marriage? Thing is, if it wasn’t for my family or other pro black people, I would have no problem marrying a white person But sometimes I kind of wonder whether genuine outright white supremacists don’t want me to marry a black woman or preserve my tribe, because they would rather have less full black people in their majority white countries rather than more? If I live in a majority white country, isn’t it likely that if I have mixed children, that my children will then further also intermarry with more white people and that the sense of blackness in my family would be bred out and become more white over the generations? Again, please keep in mind, I have no problem with white people, but I have these questions sometimes Because I know that white supremacists are against interracial marriages because they view it as genocide against white people and “tainting” the white race But on the other hand, doesn’t interracial marriage just work in white peoples favour because of the country already being majority white and that your children might likely also marry other white people? The issue with the black community is that the “black family” is only largely preserved by first generation immigrants, second generation immigrant black peoples don’t seem likely to hold onto a “black family” and marriage? I hate how political marriage seems and just want to marry the person I love, whether they are black, white, Asian etc. But this does make me wonder, do white suoremacists really hate interracial marriage or do they actually don’t want black families to thrive in marriage? Sorry if any of this has offended or rubbed people the wrong way, it’s just something I’ve wondered sometimes and wanted to see what people’s opinions are on it. Isn’t this what Brazil did with trying to “whiten” the population by promoting interracial marriages in order to dilute the blackness of the population over time? I understand that it was the government of colonial Brazil that promoted this, but I still have suspicions that white supremacists would want this despite protesting about interracial marriages? TL/DR: I have sometimes wondered whether white supremacists aren’t actually afraid of interracial marriage, because even though it “destroys” ethnic and cultural purity for both white and black people. If black people live in a majority white country, their mixed children are likely to marry another white person and then make that black person’s lineage white? So which one is it for white supremacists? Is interracial marriage the problem or do they not want black peoples to marry and have a “strong black family” in order to bring more black people in their majority white country? I know this might sound all sorts of paranoid and conspiracy minded, but it’s just a thought and I genuinely have no problem against white people
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